Difficult situation

I'm not sure if anyone can give me some advice on this topic, but I'm hoping that someone else has been through this and can help me out because its something that I'm struggling with. I have an 11 1/2 month old and his biological father and I separated before he was even born, it was best with the situation that I raised the child alone because it was an abusive situation. Now over a year later I've met a wonderful, loving, caring man who I want to spend the rest of my life with, and he looks at my child as his own. Now this is where the situation gets difficult, he was in a relationship before me, and it didnt last for long, and his ex ended up getting pregant. Things were not working for them, they tried on a few different occassions to make things work but it resulted in them seperating and going their own separate ways. The baby was just born a little over a week ago, and I dont know why but I'm having a hard time coping with it, and it makes me feel like a bad person because I have a child myself, and been through the similar situation but I'm still finding it so hard. I dont know if its because of fear, or jealously...I'm just wondering if anyone has been through a similar situation, and any advice would be appreciated...thank you

Well, I haven't been through the same situation, but someone really close to me went through something similar; and I consider that seeing things from the outside gives you a completely different perspective because the feelings involved aren't as strong, if any.  I understand why this situation may be making you feel wary or jealous; you're human and these are human emotions, so there's nothing to be ashamed of.

Now, what I can say is, without knowing you or your boyfriend, is that this actually speaks very highly of him. First, you say he loves your child as if he was his own: that's incredible of him, because I've seen men who feel like their girlfriend's children just get in the way of the relationship, because she already has someone who comes first in her life, or they're annoyed by them because they just can't stand having living, breathing reminders of their girlfriend's past. On the other hand, it seems like he's also very responsible. Because, even though it's in no way justifiable, he could have just turned his back on his child when things didn't work out with his ex; but you say he didn't. So that means he doesn't let anything come between him and his kid. And that should give you some reassurance as to what kind of father he will be to your child, maybe even regardless of how things turn out between you in the long run.

So, I would say you could try to see the good in this situation, and also think that your boyfriend's biological child deserves to have his father involved in his life, and that that doesn't mean your you or your child will lose him. So, try to look at the bright side!