There was a question posted earlier today about calling each other names and it got me thinking. 

Kids are so susceptible to what they hear.  My husband and I argue (as everyone does!) but we never call each other names - it is a question of respect. 

So, i was horrified the other day when my son called a female visitor a "stupid woman" (to her face).  Where did he learn that from?  We sat and talked about respect, but it is a very hard word to explain (any ideas anyone?).  We discussed how when you love someone you want to build them up and encourage them and calling each other names doesn't do that.

I discovered he had heard it from a friend, who called his mother that.  I would find that so hurtful and I am sure the mother in question does as she suffers from depression and anxiety.  So where did the child hear it??  His Dad!

I have noticed in the past that this Dad only ever calls the son by name - never any affectionate nicknames like "son", "buddy", "mate" etc...  I only noticed when we were with them one weekend and watching my husband and this other Dad relating to their sons in completely different ways and I wonder how much what we say  is indicative of what we subconsciously think or how we feel. 

Now, I am not offering judgement on anyone.  I have just noticed this and I know there are issues within this family.  I wonder how much of children's attitudes stems back to how people are treated within their own home.  This boy has absorbed his dad's behaviour and has passed it onto my son as 'normal'.

Because of this I am very careful with my own children.  When I am cross with them I never call them names, i explain I don't like the behaviour but I still love the child.  There is a huge difference to the child between saying "You stupid child" and "that was a silly thing to do wasn't it?"  It is so easy to label children and they respond to it by acting up to it.

My son's swim teacher commented to me when my son was only a baby that he could hear what I said.  She said to me "if you say he doesn't like water on his face he will assume he doesn't and respond that way."  I took her advice and just kept trying the water on his face - he grew out of it and now he is a real water baby!

I remember as a teenager getting in trouble for something I hadn't done and thinking "If they think that of me anyway I may as well go and do it!"  Labels can strongly affect a child and can make a child become what they are labelled.

So be aware what you are saying to and around your children - they will pick up on your vibes and act accordingly.  They take you as their example and will assume that how you treat each other at home is normal and their subsequent relationships will follow that pattern.  Think about how you want your children's relationships to be and try and show that to them as 'normal'.

Hope this helps!