difficult situation and a little time and faith

I'm not sure if anyone can give me some advice on this topic, but I'm hoping that someone else has been through this and can help me out because its something that I'm struggling with. I have an 11 1/2 month old and his biological father and I separated before he was even born, it was best with the situation that I raised the child alone because it was an abusive situation. Now over a year later I've met a wonderful, loving, caring man who I want to spend the rest of my life with, and he looks at my child as his own. Now this is where the situation gets difficult, he was in a relationship before me, and it didnt last for long, and his ex ended up getting pregant. Things were not working for them, they tried on a few different occassions to make things work but it resulted in them seperating and going their own separate ways. The baby was just born a little over a week ago, and I dont know why but I'm having a hard time coping with it, and it makes me feel like a bad person because I have a child myself, and been through the similar situation but I'm still finding it so hard. I dont know if its because of fear, or jealously...I'm just wondering if anyone has been through a similar situation, and any advice would be appreciated...thank you


I read your message about the difficult situation and even though your it is a little different from mine, many of the emotions are the same.

Before my husband and I were married, he was in a very difficult situation with his first wife who, while not exactly abusive, was suffering from a list of mental illnesses and was extremely neglectful of their two kids and exposed them to many harmful circumstances, and even attempted suicide while she was alone with them in house. We are still dealing with her conditions today, even though it has been a few years and the kids are a bit older.

Anyway, I have a lot of those same feelings even though I fill the role of mother to the kids and love them as my own. Even though I really know better, I still worry that when we have our own child together he will not be as excited as I would like him to be. There is no one else I would want to be the father of my child, and I know he will love them as much as our kids now, but some of the newness may not be there. Anyway, over the years, the feelings haven't diminished, but I have learned better how to deal with them. While I don't usually talk about them with people who may not understand, (as I have received many many judgemental comments from parents who are just trying to help but who have trouble seeing the situation in the same perspective, and of course this just hurts even more) from books I have read and others I have talked to I think they are not unusual in such circumstances. I have talked over these feelings with my husband in a quiet and gentle manner and his being responsive has helped me as well. Also, time is a strong healer. As I see how much attention he gives when we talk of another child and even the excitement from our kids, that helps put some of my concerns to rest.