Like many of you are already aware, I lost my husband coming up 4 years in August. What many are not aware of is the actual cause of death. This is something I have been, for the most part, vague about and have been in order to protect him and

in a way both of us and our relationship. God knows I wouldn’t want anyone to think we were anything but perfect together but fact is, although we were extremely close and had a wonderful relationship, it was not without its problems and it was not without its struggles. Obviously these problems and struggles contributed to his death, one that in all truth could have been avoided. He did not have to die.

Nigel, after a long and serious struggle, died due to complications from chronic liver disease. He was a self confessed alcoholic at the age of 36 and despite being sober for nearly 2 years; the damage was done and was irreversible.  The only thing that would have saved his life, was a liver transplant, something he was granted the day before his death – he just couldn’t hold on any longer and if you knew Nigel, you would have known that things were pretty bad for him to have given up the fight. This man fought for every breath for nearly 2 years and during the last 12 months, each time the doctors told me that he wouldn’t last the night; he came back to me fighting 10 times harder. He did this so many times the doctors found it hard to believe it themselves. He was an incredible fighter and had an incredible desire to live and be loved. In the end though, he couldn’t do it anymore, his body had lost the fight - his heart was tired and he just wanted the pain to stop.

The last two weeks of his life were the most difficult. I had pulled the family together 3 times in those 14 days to prepare for what should have been his ‘last night’. He was in a drug induced coma as varicose veins that lined the wall in his stomach, typical of liver disease, were collapsing on each other and he was bleeding internally. He was loosing so much blood and they were not able to fix it or replace it quick enough and then one day during these 2 weeks, he begun to get better. The bleeding stopped enough for the doctors to repair the veins, they brought him out of the coma and eventually he was strong and good enough to move out of the ‘critical care unit’ into a normal ward.

Nigel’s fight for life, the fact he had been sober for nearly 2 years, our devotion and the devotion and dedication that we proved time and time again in his recovery were all contributing factors for him being granted a new liver. We were so happy that day. We cried, we laughed, we held each other - we began to make plans again – we had our light at the end of the tunnel after such a dark journey.

After spending every day and night at Nigel’s side in a hospital that was the other side of town, something that I could do as my mum and my neighbour/close friend (monarogirl) helped with watching my children, I came home to tell the everyone that he had been given this chance for life. This time home was short lived. As I received a phone call from Nigel early hours of the morning begging me to come back to him because he was in pain and was scared. I of course did and drove back to the hospital as fast as I could.

It was at this point that our life began another downward spiral. He was in so much pain, he was cold and he was frightened. We spent hours just lying together and holding each other  and then things got slightly worst and I had one of my famous dummy spits and demanded a doctor to be called.

The doctor arrived and I went over to Nigel and gave him a kiss and said, ‘I’ll get out the way and go and phone the kids to make sure they’re ok. Love ya babe’. I walked across the room and he said ‘Hey Sweetie, I love ya…wanna take a walk on the wild side with me?’ I told him I loved him too, called him a nut – everyone in the room had a little laugh and I left. They were the very last words we spoke.

I went down stairs, phoned the kids and for some reason thought ‘wow, I wonder if his having a heart attack’ I took back off upstairs and as I reached the door, the nurse said those horrible and memorable words. ‘I’m sorry Mrs C_____ but you can’t go in there. As you left the room your husband went into cardiac arrest.’  I asked if he was ok and the nurse continued to tell me that they were still working on him and took me into a small room. Shortly after the doctor came to me and told me that Nigel was not responding and that they only had and 2 – 3 minutes max up their sleeves until they had to call his time of death and what did I want them to do. I remember looking up and the doctor, crying my eyes out and asking if he could give me those few more minutes, just in case he wanted to open his eye again. He had done it before, why not this time. He didn’t have it in him though. The fight was over…

Alcohol….the easiest, the most accepted and abused ‘legal’ drug there is had finally won.

Nigel wasn’t an abusive person, on or off the booze. He did not do any horrible things to me or the children and he wasn’t even a loud person when he drank. He was Nige! He loved his family, he loved me and we were once happy.

Regardless of Nigel being a great father and husband, his weakness for alcohol meant his family was placed second. Not that he would have agreed with this statement while he was drinking as he truly did believe that his family was his first priority. A sober Nigel understood differently and it was something he regretted ‘til the day he died.

Alcohol is an accepted drug in our community - it is readily available on just about every corner and because of this reason it is the most abused substance there is. It destroys families and worst still it is a killer and an extremely slow one too. Drug and alcohol abuse costs 23,000 Australian lives every year and makes up for around 20% off all deaths in Australia. [1] Out of 516 deaths from alcoholic liver disease, or cirrhosis, in Queensland Aust, 77% was made up of males alone [2]. It happens more often than people are aware. It is a family disease that affects more than just the drinker.

The choices me make today affect us for the rest of our lives and our families for a long time after.  Taking control of our lives, whether you are the drinker, spouse, daughter, son, mother or father, is the only way to combat and reverse something that is avoidable.

Don’t let alcohol ruin your life or your families….

 OB