Mother's need support.

When women become mother's they realise that life is full of complex situations and beliefs. Interestingly enough as soon as you announce your pregnant people come from miles around to tell you their gory stories and experiences and tell you what to do. Now this kind of support isnt to

bad because you as an individual can sift through all the information and decide whats best for you and your baby. If you find yourself in a situation where you need more information you can then seek answers to specific questions and life goes on. This is because you are seen as a person with a brain, intelligent and most likely still working.

Baby arrives and you settle down into your routines, routines vary from household to household but invariably each mother will find her way into balancing the three partds of her life, mother; housewife, lover. However it can be difficult for some as it can feel very overwhelming when things go wrong. For some people sadly they think mums brain has turned to mush and they start to try and take over, here let me do that....oh Ill get the baby its crying. Dont let that happen undermining your confidence is the first step to a downward spiral. Be firm, no everythings fine I dont need your help.....unless its a case that you do need help then just say thank you and move away. The difference here is in knowing what you are willing to do and what you are willing to give up which will not make you lose confidence in your ability to manage.

Being a mother

Doesnt come with an instruction manual that you can refer to when you find yourself between a rock and a hard place. So stop for a moment and look at all the things that you are doing right before you tackle the problem. The reason I say this is because becoming a mother can be for some a real confidence killer especially when baby isnt sleeping, feeding isnt going well and the housework is mounting. So stop, cuddle your little one and remember the love that youre showing it, know that you are learning to manage and dont be to hard on yourself. Next write down what's concerning you the most is it time management or something else. Something else look for people who will support you in your journey to be mum it may be a post on Minti for some it may be the local nursing mothers association, the local playgroup it doesnt matter reach out you will find that all mothers have been there done that and the support and confidence you gain from sharing with others mothers going through the same experiences is enormous.

Housework

OK traditionally mothers who stayed at home took on all the chores inside and sometimes out and that may be the same in your life or it may not. Working mums and dads need to share the load and it can be as simple as picking the jobs that you like and seeing whats left over to do.....doing things together on a Sat morning the whole house can be done in a couple of hours leaving the rest of the weekend for you to enjoy. Mums who are at home it is not your burden to do everything either, mothers who try to be super mums and do everything can place themselves in jeopardy and the more kids that come along the more stress you add to yourself. Prioritise its the only way, timetabling work into specific days can help but dont be inflexible as if you are and something happens like a sick bub it can throw your world into chaos. I had four under 5 yrs old when interests rates went through the roof in the 80's, I took on babysitting and although the added income put food on the table it also added enormous pressure to make sure everything was done that needed to be done. So I organised myself to make sure the loungeroom was always tidy, that meant the kids didnt play in there. One room kept for visitors helped me manage emotionally because I always knew that there was somewhere they could sit. The second room was the bathroom, my personal phobia is a dirty toilet, so I made sure that was always kept clean and made sure the kids knew how to flush. Rinsed dishes not only make washing up easier but dont look as bad as a pile of dirty ones. Big jobs were something that I asked for help from hubby and it was a choice for eg The beds need changing and the washing done would you like to do that or look after the kids while I do.... I never minded the choice either was acceptable to me. Can you whip over the floor with the vacuum while I take the kids outside and believe me a whip over was better than not at all.... working as a team made so much of the monotony easier to cope with. I remember when I started Uni years later and we had a serious car accident I could manage study and some house work but hubby had to pick up the slack he commented one day that housework wasnt hard....I replied I never said it was but I can tell you after 10 years of it its boring as hell in its repitition....lol I think he lasted a couple of years before he acknowledged that yes it was a thankless job. Asking for help isnt a sign of weakness and I believe that working as a team has benefits that far outweight the asking.

Lover

How many of us have dragged ourselves to bed only to have hubby eager to play, sometimes we will grudingly participate, others we'll push him away and sometimes we'll end up in an argument because lets face it how could he be so selfish when youre so tired..... poor hubby he cant win that one. Somewhere we forgot about ourselves as people as a couple we became a "family" well the way around that is to make sure youre not exhausted if you are youre doing to much....sick kids aside which is the only time I concede I am on call 24/7 I make sure I am done with everything by a reasonable hour and I accept what I cant do today I can do tomorrow OR I can ask for help on Saturday. Creating time with your partner is so important otherwise you drift apart, sometimes so far that you cant even see them for he mountains between you.... at one stage I felt that I was the last item on the list to "be done" and let me tell you its an awful feeling so I know how some hubbies must feel. That was a wake up call to reorganise and prioritise and the order is simple me, hubby, children and then housework. You will notice I put me first in that order of priority...well to some its selfish but to me I have learned that if mums not happy then neither is the household so my 1/2 hour to myself a couple of hours a week is essential....Thats my priority it doesnt need to be yours yours is what you are comfortable with and what makes you happy. Mums who feel supported, loved are happy mums and happy mums can move mountains!