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This site gets better with user participation. Please participate... Some of the main things you can do is rate this advice, add comments to this advice, add links to and from this advice, and/or write your own advice.
ADVICE RATING |
 4.73 (Highly recommend) from 57 votes (1217 Visits) |
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For the love of a child |
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by lexiw  (February 2007) (rank 16th) |
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I am writing about my experience here and I hope it helps someone deal with this thing that happens to so many children
I regulry get phonecalls from a friend who can not handle her son. She has a very hard time getting him to interact with the family and at school. She calls me so she can have a bit of a rest and so can he. This boy has been through his parents seperating, His father dying of a heart attack, He watched someone he loved and adored die in a car accident he was then molested and lost somebody he thought of as family to cancer. This boy has been through stuff that not many adults have let alone a young boy.
I got a phone call the other day to go and get him which I did but when I got there something was different. This boy had been beaten around the head. I was so very angry all I wanted to do was cause violence to his mother and her boyfriend, But what I did do was walk away. I took the boy and left. I spoke to a very good friend on the phone who helped me to calm down and look at things rationally. His mother then phoned me the next day and wanted to come and pick him up but i told her she wasn't going to do that and explained to her what her sons face looked like and that I had video eveidence and that the authorities were going to be informed. The boy had to black eyes, a cut on his nose and scratches on his neck. The mother was not happy that I would not let her get her son but There was no way in hell that boy was going anywhere. I asked her what did she think might happen next time how much worse could it be.
I got a phonecall a few hours later and she said that she realised that things had gone to far. She said the boyfriend was moving out and that she was so very sorry and she wanted me to ask the boy if he would come home now that the boyfriend was leaving. I told her it was great that the B/F was leaving but that that wasn't the only thing that needed fixing and she agreed.
I am hoping that the authorities here do something about the situation but unfortunately it is more likely that they won't. I am going to make sure that this is fixed. I am looking into hypnotherapy for the boy and possibly the mother too. I have borrowed a meditaion book from the library that I think may help the boy it is for children. The boy wants to go home in few days for a trial period. I am not liking the idea but he is twelve and the mother has removed the boyfriend so I have agreed. I think it is important that kids are with their parents if the parent in this particular case is willing to really fix things.
If you see child abuse or know that it is happening please report it. Far to many children are killed because of abuse.
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| ADVICE RATING |
4.73 (Highly recommend) from 57 votes |
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There is No Excuse for Abuse
Wow, this has really taken off hasn't it! I still feel that child abuse talked about it child abuse prevented. If we don't talk about it, like happened years ago, nothing will change. The more it is talked about, the more our children know they can tell someone, the less likely it is to continue. I have always told my daughter that she needs to tell someone, anyone she trusts, if anyone ever hurts her. I have explained the many ways people can hurt her and she understands most of it. I know she's only 3, but she is very switched on. She tells her daycare teachers, swimming teacher and her grandmother every time she gets a little smack, every time I sit her in the corner, every time she gets roused on because I've told her about unacceptable behaviour and how she needs to tell someone what's going on and how she feels about it. She tells me if she was in trouble at daycare or if one the kids hit her, she tells me why too. I think teaching children these things, talking about it in the community, is the most effective way of putting an end to child abuse. THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR ABUSE! I think the more people there are in the world who are willing to step in and take a child, the more people there are to share these stories, the less it will happen in the future as child abusers rely on secrecy. Without it, they can't hide and they can't keep doing it. Good on you for writing this article and causing such a stir, we have all learnt alot from this.
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clover
well im not porky, sorry i wish i had the courage of the pig.
did it occur to lexiw that the child is at home now does she expect that
she will see him again to do any thing about the abuse ?
i think that we are all allowed our own opinion ,i thought thats what this site was all about????
how many of you send your chlid too there room ???'' thats abuse to ''
one more question what did this child do, to make the parents mad enough to use phisical abuse?
if you can answer my questions please do
clover
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clover
Clover,
Has one of your friends or someone close to you ever been beat by there husband or boyfriend? I hope not, because I am sure that you may have asked them what they did to really piss him off right? SO , I am guessing that if your sister or mom or friend or whatever said or did something it's their fault right? I think if you did they wouldn't be comin to you for help now would they? I bet if that being their friend you might say to them "it doesn't matter what you said to him honey, a man should never hit a woman. It's not right"
answers to your questions:
Even if that child is at home now, if it happened again I bet ya that he knows he has somewhere to run next time it happens because someone finally showed him that such a thing exsists.
yes opinions are deffinately allowed however, there are very touchy subjects that are standard throughout the world. Here in canada, if a person goes to jail for harming or molesting a child, they actually put them away from the other inmates so they don't get killed in jail. irony huh?
sending your child to their room is not child abuse....it is a discipline and teaching tool, I know that they teach in parent books that timeouts and sending children to their room is acceptable, hitting them is not.
I really wouldn't envy that kind of courage, because like lex i have had to call the authorities for child abuse myself, and that is the most heart wrenching, gut ache, anxiety causing thing that a person would ever have to do. You don't know where that child might go, whether to a descent foster home or to someone else who has just getting paid to have kids in their house.
Like I have said before, having kids is a gift and a priviledge not a right. Anyone can make a baby but it takes a real selfless person to be a parent.
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Another line of conversation that has gotten out of hand.
It happens, unfortunately, and I'm not going to go pointing any fingers here. What I will say is that Lexi has written an excellent advice article that pertains to a personal situation. She has not given any names or contact details, and as such has maintained the confidentiality of everyone involved. Whether or not this story is completely true is not the important part as it is the message that the advice is sending is the important.
Accusing someone of telling lies about a personal experience is outrageous, public slander (which this is not) is the only valid exception. If it was a case of public slander, it would be a reportable offence and should be reported, not commented on.
In this advice, Lexi expressed her disapproval of the mother's actions but did not directly degrade her as a person. She also expressed a wish to get the mother the help required to better care for her son so that no further instances of abuse would occur. This would benefit everyone concerned, and is in favour of the mother and child having a safe and happy relationship. There is no problem with anything that Lexi has written here.
For people to place derogatory comments, unwarrented accusations, and to behave in a negative manner is against the grain of what Minti is about. Minti is about friendship, support, and a helping hand to those in need. It is acceptable to disagree with something that has been written, but such instances should attract constructive critism and healthy debate. If any member can not respect this and comment appropriately, then this is probably not the place for them to be.
We can not dictate to each other how we parent our children - after all, we don't like others doing it to us, and it's not our place to do it to anyone else. What works for one family may not work for another. We need to keep this in mind and be respectful of each other in that regards. We can give advice, we can accept advice, we can ignore advice. We should not sit by and do nothing whilst someone, anyone, suffers in any way, but we can't force anyone to do something about it. Encouragement and diplomacy is the key. Nagging and harassment will only turn the person further from the path you would prefer them to take.
Please, treat each other in an appropriate and respectful manner and have a nice day. 
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Not the place.
Im sorry but you are so very wrong.This is the place and to discuss situations like this. Yes, there are 2 sides to EVERY story but if we considered this fact each time someone posts something - well, we would never have anything to read on minti.
Each parenting problem, family abuse - whatever - that appears on minti is through the eyes of the author.....
Lexi has not given names, address or personal details. Come on honestly, how many people here no who Lexi is talking about? Not Many
The advice given here is about what to do if you are faced with a situation such as what Lexi has written about - she has, like so many of us, added a personal experience to this.
If something happens to this child would those arguing against Lexi's article be here aplogising? I doubt it.
As for those who have an issue about it - get over it, get past it and move on. I dont' care if there are 10 wrongly reported abuse cases, I don't care if there are 100 of them. If only 1 child is saved out of the numbers I have given, IT IS WORTH IT.
Lexi, you did the RIGHT thing. I would have done the same and as you can tell - you have a great deal of support here.
Thank YOU for looking out for those who need it, children. I admire you...
Love ya sweetie!
OB
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