I would like to share my story of suffering with PND .I suffered from PND  after the birth of my second child (she is now 12) but my memories of this time still vivid in my head.

After a normal pregnancy I was nearing my due date and arrive

So arriving the next day ready for the birth of my daughter I was taken into theatre and the procedure started  but something was going wrong not with the baby but with me ,they chased my husband out of the theatre and my daughter was born or as I say it was like pulling a rabbit out of a hat.I will not go into details of what went wrong as I still really do not know myself.

I arrived home 10 days later feeling quite good and as I already had a 22 month old baby boy being a mother to a new born was not new to me ,my son was a demanding little boy and needed my attention more then my new born baby and she was a very good baby luckily for me , and i guess for her aswel.I bathed her fed her and changed her nappies and attended to her when she cried but other then that I say she was a cot baby she spent most of the time in her cot.As time went past things started to get hard for me I couldn't find the energy or the motivation to do house work and other things that I used to enjoy as I lived in a small rural community with no close neighbours and no licence and no car as my husband was at work so going out was not an option for me.

As time went by my baby girl was growing well but she was still a cot baby ,but a happy one at that happy just to sit and play in her cot with a few toys.But i was getting no better by this time I was unable to function to cook the family meal for me was a big challenge (as simple as cutting a pumpkin had a big challenge for me as I had a fear of cutting myself while doing it )and most night my husband would have to come home from work and cook the meal and do some house work I had never been a untidy person in the home or in my appearance but both was being ignored and I stayed in my nighty for most of the day I could not even watch my favourite tv shows as nothing seemed to make sense to me as my mind would wander off to other things and unrational thoughts.Still months went by with no help other then my husband as neither of us realized I had  real problem, I think back now and I realize all the warning signs were there I just didnt know them.I remember I would sit there with an icecream bucket and just hit it like a drum (strange behaviour for a mother ,maybe my way of trying to get my frustrations out).

Then things got worse I could not sleep I would start crying of a night thinking I was dying I coulnt breathe tingling in my fingers and even diariah many trips back to the local hospital with no answers ,this started happening when I would go in the car with my husband fear of having a car accident ,and more trips to the hospital  for more tests .Panic attacks as I now know them ,which even to this day I still feel like I have very small ones but I am able to control them as I know the warning signs.

When my daughter was 18 months old on another trip to the hospital a DR diagnosed me with POST NATAL DEPRESSION I had an answer but had a long way to go.I was put on anti-depressants and I had read that our local community was having a course on depression and anxiety I enrolled myself and my mother drove me to my sessions she would say to my children that Mummy is going to happy school to learn how to be happy again.There iI learnt how to aknowlege my irrational thoughts and how to cope with them and the panick attacks with cognitive thinking .After six months I was well enough to go off my medication .

My husband suffered with me it is not just the mother that suffers the husbands (partners) have to learn to cope with it too and realize the signs  too  luckily for us  he was strong enough for both of us as I had told him on occasions I wanted a divorce as I did not know what I wanted .We have just had our 15 wedding anniversary and we are happy  after the birth of our 3rd  and 4th children I was scared that it may return but I would have beaten it as I knew all the signs.

If u have had a baby recently or not even that recent and feel any of these symptoms please   see your GP  and get help talk to somebody .It's not something that you can control  but it will  control you if you let it and not get help.I hope that my story may help others.