Hi, we have a little boy who will be three next month, he is dry at night and during the day and has been for nearly five months but we can't get him to poo on the pot or toilet. We have tried so many things but are

getting nowhere, I have been told it is fairly common but has anyone got any advice?? we had no problems with our daughter and are being driven slowly mad by it!!

Number 2's - Help with Potty Training

MOST children want to be like their parents & they will eventually get past this little problem. My grand-daughter constantly tells me that she is a big girl not a little girl so in order to help us with her potty training we told her that big people use the potty so she needed to learn to use the potty to be allowed to be a BIGGER girl.

If a child doesn't want to do a no 2 in the potty, their is nothing we can do to force the issue HOWEVER there are a few things we can Consider that might make all the difference & assist with training.

Recently I came to get a clearer understanding of the 3DCycle = Discomfort + Dread = Delay. When a child will not do a no 2 in the potty it may be worth investigating the following areas.

• Has your child had a change of diet or suffered an illness recently? Sometimes either of these events can change the consistency of our bowel motions. This is one of those little things that we can tend to overlook as you don't THINK about these things unless it happens to you.

• Does your child get 'so caught up in what they are doing that they forget'... or HOLD-On to their number 2s. Some children will put off going to the potty rather than miss out on the exciting thing they are doing.

• Does your child suffer from a food intolerance? (Lactose for example, can cause a child's motions to suddenly change within minutes of eating food & a child is unable to make it to the potty. My grand-daughter cannot tolerate ANY dairy food in her diet.. the minutest amount will cause a horrible re-action within about 30 seconds... The results - Let's just say its a 'flood' (YUCK is the work)

So, What is the 3 D Cycle?

With the 3 D cycle - Discomfort is the MEMORY of how the past event felt... was it hard? A change in diet or illness can cause us to pass a 'hard' no 2... A child may remember how much this hurt. As parents we forget little things like this, but we need to 'look at it from a child's perspective'. If a child holds onto a no 2 rather than leaving their current game or favorite TV show this can affect their motions also. The longer the delay, the firmer the next no 2 becomes. In the case of a 'meltdown' the child may have feelings of shame or embarrassment & prefer the 'comfort of the diaper' to the possibility of 'missing the potty again... These Memories = Dread... (And we all know how it feels when we have a bad memory of something... we FEAR trying to do it again...) In all of these examples the child has learned the wrong lesson. Therein comes DELAY due to FEAR. Sadly you cannot move on with 'Complete Potty  Training' till the 3D cycle is broken.

• Sometimes changing the diet can help restore bowel consistency. Increase the amount of fluid your child drinks every day. Try adding a little prune juice to cereal & lean towards high fiber foods such as bran cereal, fruits & vegetables. These are always the best choices for a healthy diet.

• Another suggestion you could try if a child has really hard stools is giving them mineral oil hidden in their food. Use about 1ml for ever kg of body weight... (or 1tsp for every 10 pound of weight) The mineral oil helps to make the stools softer, causing them to 'just slide out without hurting'. The following two hints will to help disguise the taste of the mineral oil

                    1) Pop it in a tuna sandwich with mayo...    or   
                    2) Place it onto toast with grilled cheese.

You could increase the amount used by 5ml if the child doesn't start to have looser no 2s within a few days... I would suggest checking with your Doctor or chemist before trying this method, just to be sure it is safe for YOUR child... Alternatively your doctor may prescribe a glycerin suppository if the child has need of one.

Try Using this method for about 2 weeks as it will allow the child to learn that no 2's don't hurt    ...this suggestion is adapted from http://www.drgreene.com/21_762.html

• IF you can get them to sit for 10 minutes at the same time every day reading a book on the potty AFTER a meal it is possible to establish a regular bowel habit. Remember to give them a footstool for their feet if they are using the BIG toilet.

Don't forget to REWARD your child for success.. There are many good articles written on this subject throughout Minti & I encourage you to check them out.

In conclusion... I really think the 3D Cycle is a worthwhile area to consider if you have a child who is reluctant to use the potty for their no 2s... A Different Perspective can shed light on the underlying problem.