Guilt...Will it change anything...

Hi there I really wanted to write some advice on something I have lived with...Something that has affected me on day to day basis...You see I am a mum of an abused child...I kept him there i didn't know but I put him in that situation that made it possible to happen...I was at fault I felt for this and I have lived alot of years feeling this way... 
I wanted to write a few things to let you know how things can get when you do feel like this...Here is a short part of my story...You see my child was interferred with by the man I lived with...I worked and while I was working he was touching my child...I had no idea and never thought for one second that this would ever happen...I would have protected him with my life but still this happened...

When this man and I split my son told me of what had happened to him and I immediately called the police and followed all the necessary things like most good parents would...I tried to have him charged..I did everything within my power to do this but alas there was not enough evidence as he was just 5 when he told me and very scared of doing this...I moved away and stopped all contact with this man for both of my children and still have not allowed contact...I got him couselling...I did everything right to try to fix the wrong thing that happened to him...But still the guilt I felt was very strong because I was his Mum why did I not know what was happening...Why didn't he tell me then...Why why why was all I have asked my self over and over again...

My child is now 16 and a half and life for him has been very hard...He has a mental illness...He has post traumatic stress disorder...And all the time i have blamed myself for this and any other problem he has had in his life...I have constantly walked on eggshells for fear of him actually saying those words to me ...For fear of him blaming me God knows I blamed myself enough...I felt I owed it to him to give him everything he wanted no matter what because this was all my fault...He needed me to pander to his every whim because I owed him for what I did...He wouldn't be like this if I had not done what I did...If I had not been with this man...If I had noticed what was happening...IF IF IF IF IF...

In hindsight life could have been alot better for him IF... But that is big word in context to the size of it really isn't it?...

A few years ago the guilt I felt was so bad that I had to start seeing someone and tell them of what a horrible parent I am and how I had put my child in a positon that he had this done to him...I had to tell someone else so they would look down on me as much as I myself did... I opened my soul to this woman..I told her everything...Every little bit about it and my feelings on such a truamatic thing I had put my son through...She told me the feelings I had were normal...WHAT? I thought normal...She then went on to say to me...Angie did you interfere with him? No...Did he tell you and you still stayed? NO did you ignore it and hope it would go away? NO Did you not get him conselling because you thought it was no big deal? NO

You see... Yes I was with this man who did this but I left when my child told me of what had happened I reported it when it was done with the police I got him counselling...I did everything I could within my power to fix it after something that I had no power over happened...I had spent all those years feeling guilt and pain for what a horrible parent I was and right there in front of me was the real answers...the only question I needed to ask myself was...Am I guilty of interferring with my child did I do it??? And the answer was no...A clear N-O...

Guilt is a horrible thing especially as a parent...Our situation was an extreme one of something I felt guilt for but others feel it for a miriad of reasons...A marriage break up can cuase guilt to one party for taking away the other parent from their child...A car accident...An abusive relationship the list can go on and on...But does the guilt you feel change what has happened? Will it fix anything? the answer is simple and clear again...NO

We all as parents make mistakes small and big...As long as we all do the right thing when we encounter them what do we have to feel guilty for...Why do we feel the need to walk on eggshells and lay blame on ourselves for ever...My advice to you is do not let guilt and blame consume you...What I did is I apologised to my son and told him I am sorry that I put him in the postion I did but now he is out of it...I would never have stayed if i knew what was happening...I did everything I could to try to help him...But now it is up to him...I can no longer walk on eggshells for him nor can I blame myself...You see I have 7 children and I need to be there for them as well...I am always here to support my son but now it is all up to him....

There is a message in here for all you parents who are feeling guilt of some sort...Let it go deal with today...No matter how guilty you feel for what happened in the past it is not going to change that it happened...Look at it as it's gone...Take hold of today and try your hardest to never let whatever causes YOUR guilt to happen again....

Thanks for taking the time to read this....
Have a fantastic day
Cheers
Angie