Keep it a Secret

When you hear the word 'SECRET' What image does it conjure up in your mind?

Do you think of excitement, surprise birthdays, surprise holidays, surprise visitors.......

Or does it conjure up for you bad images??

Does it make you feel nervous, scared, emotional........

Whatever it makes you feel we know that there are two very opposing sides to the word 'SECRET'

The Good Side of Keeping a Secret
Children love being told they are part of a secret
It makes them feel trusted
Children love all the secret winks and secret codes that come with keeping a secret
They love all the planning and preparation
It makes them feel important and special

The Bad Side of Keeping a Secret
There are usually and hopefully signs to look for when your child is keeping a bad secret
They may become withdrawn and want to isolate themselves from everyone
Your child may become snappy, irritable, moody and emotional
Their body language may be affected
Their shoulders may droop, their head may look down, they may avoid eye contact


What to do if you suspect your Child is Keeping a Bad Secret
Take time to sit quietly with them and ask if anything is worrying them
Tell them they can trust you but be sure to not be sworn to secrecy with anything they tell you, just in case you have to call in help
Reassure them with how much you love them and that it is an unconditional love that won't change no matter what they tell you
Let them know that you have noticed something is wrong and you just want to offer your help if they need it
Encourage them that it is  okay to talk to someone else if they feel uncomfortable talking to you, all you as a parent want is for their worries to be lifted
REMEMBER if they are keeping a really bad secret then they may have been told and believe that the repercussions of telling anyone the secret, could be that of a threat against you or someone else they are close to


What if another Child tells you a Bad Secret
Maybe a niece/nephew or a neighbour's child or even a friend of your child may one day feel they can't keep the secret in any longer, they feel more comfortable with a relative stranger and just blurt it out to you.
Again remember, do NOT be sworn to secrecy, you may have to call in the childs parents or someone else who can help them
Reassure them and comfort them


So, the Secret is Out! What now?
Do not get out of your depth
Call in whatever help you need for the sake of your child's welfare and well being
Show them that unconditional love you promised you had for them
Maybe they are not the victim but instead, they have harboured secret guilt of something they have done. Make sure you are still there to help them
Trust your instinct on what they need from you right now
Show you are trustworthy by making sure people know on a need to know basis
Support them as they go through all the aftermath of the secret being out
PROTECT THEM - this could be protection from the person who has hurt them, from gossip mongers or from so called friends who turn their backs


BUT, JUST MAYBE............

Just maybe our imagination is our greatest enemy and when the secret is actually out, it is not as bad a secret as you feared. A child's perspective on the big issues of life are totally different to an adults.
If their secret seems small to you, DON'T belittle or embarrass your child with the words "Is that all it was???" If you do you will cross the line of them being able to trust you.
If it was a big issue to your child then it should be a big issue to you the parent also.

DON'T FORGET

NOT ALL SECRETS ARE BAD, SOME ARE REALLY GREAT TO KEEP AND ENCOURAGE

BUT

THE BAD SECRETS MUST NOT BE KEPT SECRET ANYMORE