As the years have passed the pain of losing my baby has eased. My son Drew died being born. The umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck twice,during labour the doctor did an ultrascan saw where the cord was and said "there's a chance your child may have brain damage do you want us to save him?" "Yes" I said ,then rushed me off for an Emergency Ceasarian.But sadly they did not get him out quick enough and he died.The aenethasist was not at the hospital and had to drive in from his home.i remember waiting on the operating table with the doctor looking down at me just standing there. "why are'nt you doing anything?" I pleaded.That's when he told me he was waiting for the aenethesist to arrive. Then afterwards I awoke in the babyward with no cradle and a sad nurse sitting on a seat next to my bed waiting to tell me that my baby had died. I was devastated, horrified angry and did not want to believe her.This had to be a nightmare ,this could not be real,I broke down crying and cried for ages.then I just lay there in shock. I felt numb and I worried also for my little Krystal who was looking forward to being a big sister and I worried for my then boyfriend who was so happy we were having a son. That I had let them down and I felt so let down also.Why me ? Why my baby? I wanted him so much.Then I felt extreme anger at the doctor.I trusted him.He had let me down I wanted my son! People told me to sue the hospital, but I did not want to profit from Drew's death and sueing was not going to bring Drew back to life.Which was all I wanted. I felt lost,the funeral went by in a blur. I felt so much pain and grief I can't even put it into words. I had people ask me "Where's the Pram?" who knew I was having a baby.I lost friends who did not know what to say so kept away.Making me feel like I had offended them somehow. Other people said to me "I don't know what to say" I would reply"It's ok,I did not know this was going to happen either" There was nothing anybody could say to make me feel better. Only time heals the pain. I moved to another town to make a fresh start, no one to see how i was coping. In 1999 I gave birth to Madison a precious baby girl. I am so happy and grateful as i love being a Mother. I thought I would write this article in the hope that it may help some one else survive the loss of a baby.And if you know of some one who is greiving for their child let them know you care. Even though there are no words to take the pain away.It just helps to know that you are not alone.In time you will heal as I did. Life does go on ,and we are living for our lost children too. so appreciate life as it does get better.