ADVICE RATING |
 4.97 (Highly recommend) from 17 votes (527 Visits) |
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Protecting Your Child Through a Break Up |
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by nell18-3  (February 2007) (rank 5th) |
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So many Children now get dragged into the break up of a relationship
They have loyalties to both parties
They want to feel safe, loved and for everything to be okay
How do we protect them as much as possible
Being in the Know
Talk to the child about the problem but in a gentle way
Answer their questions
Make sure they are not frightened
As it Unravels
Don't let your children be exposed to any shocks
ie Dont let the children have to witness one of the parents leaving the house in a rage with their bags packed!
Keep them updated when you are having problems
BUT Attach no fault or blame to anyone either your partner or the child themselves
Do not ask them to keep any secrets
Reassure them that because the adults are having problems it does NOT change either parents feelings for the child
When the Break Happens
NEVER speak badly of the other parent to the child
NEVER let your child be used as tools against each other
NEVER ask your child to be your spy
ENCOURAGE the child to be open with you about their thoughts
ENSURE your child knows the love you both have for them
NEVER let your child become the "Messenger" for either party
Living with the Aftermath
If you are able to talk together make plans for how you can get things to work out in the future regarding contact, holidays, birthdays etc involve the children if they are old enough to be able to have their say on this and don't resent the child in any way when they say what they would like
If you are unable to get together for whatever reason, do not use the child to arrange future contact and school holidays, if necessary have a legal agreement in place
When your child is leaving to stay with the other parent, do not make it hard on them by being upset, encourage them to have a good time
If your child is struggling, get them PROFESSIONAL help
Do not try to outplay each other and make the childs time with each parent a competition of where they get the most fun or most gifts
Do not make them feel guilty for wanting to spend time with the other parent
Do not play games with their minds, by blaming the other party and asking the children to talk to the other parent about getting back together
NEVER, NEVER, NEVER try to buy their love
Why pay for something when you can have it for free
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
BROKEN HOMES NEED NOT BE DYSFUNCTIONAL HOMES
ABOVE ALL LOVE AND REASSURE YOUR CHILD
I feel a bit of a hypocrite as I write this, because you all know this is not happening in my break up. But this is what my aim would have been and what I will one day hope to see happening for my family.
What i have written is how ideally we should strive to protect our children
