Only yesterday I had my first child. Only yesterday I had my second child. Only yesterday I married my husband and as a result my 2 children grew to 4. Only yesterday my husband died and I began life as a single parent to four children. Only yesterday hey - well
that’s how if feels anyway.
Last night my home, for the first time in 21 years had no children in it. My son and his fiancé moved out and into their own house and although I’m happy for them, I really am, I am also at a loss. I have no children at home with me anymore. They have all left and gone their own way.
The first night on my own I moved from room to room cleaning, moving things around and above all, reminiscing about days gone by. I even had a huge cry. My babies are all grown up now and even though I am so proud of each and every one of them – I am kicking myself for teaching them independence. How dare I! How stupid of me to teach them that. Sheeze, I mean if I hadn’t have taught them that, they would all be home right now and I could be writing an article about ‘Adult Children Who Won’t Leave Home’.
However, that isn’t the case and I am now I am going through what they call ‘empty nest syndrome’. Well, not really….I am feeling terribly say and I’ve had a cry but I am doing fine and I really am not going through this in the true sense of the term - I just called it that today and that got me thinking about parents who really do go through this and decided to write about it.
What is it?
Empty nest syndrome is basically the grief that is felt by parents, mainly mothers or the primary care giver, when their children move out of home.
The grief comes from the loss of parenthood. After 20 or so years of bringing up your children on an everyday level to nothing – well you feel as if you have been fired from a life long committed role, as if your job is done and although it isn’t and you will always be needed, you still feel this way. Well, some do anyway.
What research says about empty nest syndrome
It is suggested that some parents are more prone to experiencing this than others. Researchers have also discovered that people who go though empty nest syndrome have some common factors with each other.
These include:
Feeling change is more stressful than challenging or revitalizing
When they moved out of home it was a difficult or an emotional experience.
Marriages being unstable or disappointing.
Finding it emotional or having difficulties in weaning babies off the breast or sending children off to school.
Worrying children are not ready to accept responsibilities as an adult
What’s next?
Some parents find it difficult in rebuilding ‘new’ relationships with their children after they move out or find it difficult to become a couple with their spouse again. Filling the void created by this change can also be difficult as well as the lack of understanding from others who did not go though empty nest syndrome.
Because this is a typical stage of parenting and we all know that children do move out of home at one stage of their life, we did it, empty nest syndrome is over looked and parents who go thought this grief are not given the help they need.
What to do (as suggested by Better Health)
Even if you feel that no one else understands you or acknowledges the way you feel, make sure you do. Allow yourself to grieve and have a cry.
Acknowledge how you feel and do something like planting a tree, redecorating your children’s old room, change rooms around (I did this and it helps) to mark the occasion and to see some positive light to this huge change that has occured
Discuss how you feel with your partner or friends.
Remember to give yourself some time to adjust to children leaving home and don’t expect too much of yourself, more so in the first few weeks or months
Find a hobby or a new interest. You have more time now.
If you are finding it really hard to deal with seek the advice and support from friends or a professional.
Plan in advance
If you have already had one child move out and still have others living with you, plan in for the day they all leave. ‘Small changes made over time will mean less of a shock when your last child moves out’ (Better health) This way when it happens and your last child leaves home it wont be as much of an ordeal.
Where to get help in Australia
Psychologist Referral Service - 1800 333 497 (Freecall)
Parentline - 132 289
Or go here for more information
Empty Nest Syndrome is real and lots of parents go through it and more often than not - they do it alone. Even though this is normal process of parenting, it does not make it easier. I’m lucky, I have my studies at university to keep me busy – I would be at a total loss if I didn’t have this though.
If you have a friend how has just had their last child leave home, be aware of how they may be feeling and offer your support and remember -this could be you one day.
(March 2007) (
Silly aren't i. 
lol...i so know already that i'm gonna get this even now when my oldest is only four... my kids ARE my life... i don't have alot besides them, not to dis Kiall but hey, they's my babies... they can't ever leave... noooooooo.... i's definatly the total oppisite of my mum, she couldn't wait for me to get out of her house...probably because Kiall was living there too at the time with me and they can't stand eachother lol
