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I had a conversation with a couple of ladies one evening, both of whom are mother of boys. The conversation was, to put it loosely, "how to raise them right". As women, we often wonder why grown men behave a certain way and if we believe in some truth in the Freudian mother-son theory, then we should probably examine the relationship that we have with our boys.
My husband was raised in a family of women. He has 4 sisters and a strong mother. He has a healthy respect for women. That is why we are able to work together in a business partnership. Often, he would attend mothers' group morning teas (most dads don't) and he feels quite comfortable in the company of a large group of women. The mums like him, they think that he is quite cool. I also like the way that he is, and would hope that my son grows up like his dad.
I don't have lofty ambitions for my son but I do try to make him understand the following rules:
(1) "You can play with girls. You are not a "wuss" or pansy if you do. And it's ok to play with cooking or with tea-sets if you feel like it". Quite often, I ask him to invite a couple of girls to his birthday parties.
(2) It's okay to show affection. It's also ok to cry when you feel blue.
(3) It's good to be groomed and to take pride in your appearance. Sam loves his hair gel - he is my 7 yo metrosexual!
(4) It is never okay to hit or punch a girl no matter how hard she hits you - even if she starts the fight.
His sister starts the fight most of the time, and I would tell him never to hit her back. I explain to him that he is bigger than her and will be much bigger one day, and he will have larger fists and greater strength. He should not get into a habit of hitting a girl and hurting them physically.
(5) If a girl says "no" then that is the end of the argument.
This applies to sharing toys at the moment. His sister sometimes changes her mind about sharing her toys or TV time with him, and I say to him that she has changed her mind - that's something that girls do and he has to understand that. He is resentful but I want him to understand that there is to be no "strong arming" a girl to make her give in to him. (Of course at the same time, I tell the sister off for not sharing her toys ... on the side)
(7) I tell him to be a gentleman. That means, "girls first You next". He cannot tell a girl that she is silly, stupid, fat or ugly.
I don't know whether these lessons will stick - but I may as well try to teach him the best way to be a gentleman!
He asked me once what girils like (he had the biggest crush on this girl in class - he was 6). I said, "you can't go wrong with flowers. All girls like flowers even if they say they don't!" 
From time to time now, Sam pulls a few yellow weeds from the garden and presents them to me.
"Here mama, I brought you some flowers."
(March 2007) (
Lexi xxx
