Kids learn early on that having mom or dad's attention is the best thing on earth.  Most kids prefer positive attention but will take whatever scraps are available as long as it means someone is making eye contact and talking to them--even if that means they are getting in trouble.

When my kids were smaller and starting to act up, I liked to ask them this simple question:  Do you need attention right now?  Almost always they would respond with a wimpering, whiny "yes!"    I then followed up with a very kind and quiet-- "Do you want the getting-in-trouble kind of attention or the gentle-loving kind of attention?"  You can guess what the answer was to that one. 

From there I tried to help them narrow down what would feel best right now from this laundry list of options listed below.  Before long, they learned how to ask for exactly what they needed---not always as quickly as I would like, but at least they were beginning to understand that their feelings were connected to their needs.  Now that they are older, we still work on this point all the time, but this time with the vocabulary we all need to solve these kinds of problems.

The point for me as a parent is to recognize that very often naughty or annoying behavior isn't so much true rebellion as it is a request from my child for me to engage in a more thoughtful manner.  The funny thing is that kids aren't the only ones acting up to get what they want--think about all the times you might huff around the house when you just need your partner to focus and listen instead.

Here's the kinds of attention my kids long for:

Touching attention.  Sometimes all it takes is a cuddle, a hug or a big fat kiss to ease those grumpy feelings away.
Talking attention.  My oldest especially needs much more conversation with me than I am aware of at times, so I need this reminder to sit down and chat.
Playing attention.  Kids tire of playing alone especially when the game is one of their favorites; my kids are really really happy if I'll get into a game or certain kind of play with them.
Listening attention.  The chatty Cathy in our family (Madeleine!) needs to know I'm hanging on her every word

I'm sure this list just scratches the surface of the ways kids need and want attention.  What would you add to the list from the little people at your house?  How about you?  Is there a certain kind of attention you need to ask for--from your spouse and/or your kids?