Incidentally, I was just about to write about this after I read the article in the New York times entitled "For Some Parents, Shouting Is the New Spanking".

And in many ways, it is true.

Spanking was a normal thing when I was growing up and although I personally don't have any bad memories of it (my sisters do), I've promised myself never to spank my son.

And because of this, I do find myself resorting to shouting when I'm at the end of my tether.  Don't you sometimes feel that after all the endless soft-tone voice, all that you've got left is to yell? I know it doesn't do any good but really how many of us parents are equipped with the skills to "not yell" when we're already so frustrated?

 Anyway, as a parent, apart from the breathing technique, what else do you do to refrain from yelling?

Excellent advice great article well worth the read.

great article helen

very powerful and emotional subject that needs to be addressed.

annie

Very good and informative article.

Thanks for writing such great advice. I'm a yeller, I try not to be ,buts it's very hard when you have asked for something to be done 100 times & still get ignored!  I loved everyones  trick for getting the bedroom tidy, I am going to try that tonight!

Great article, well done.

Well Said.

Angela

This is great I always try to remember but as you say some times it doesn't work and I feel so guelty. It is good refreshing. Thanks

Love Seb

This is beautifully written and I so need a lesson in it.  I come from a long line of yellers to the point that I am now a yeller. 

But I always make sure we have "good time" together each day as well.  I only yell when I have asked calmly lots of times before (e.g. for teeth to be cleaned or for them to get dressed or pick up toys.  Yes they are young but they can do all these things and have done all these things so many times themselves before, so I am not being unreasonable to ask them).

I remember as a child I got sick of being yelled at and always tried to the right thing.  What I hated was that I wasn't given many chances and was misunderstood many a time.  We weren't hugged a lot, we weren't played with a lot (meaning our parents didn't get down on the floor and play games with us).  All this is important.  But I also think that at some stage in life, someone will yell at them and it will upset them more if they haven't experienced it at some stage at home.  I still dont condone the practice but it is a normal reaction (however much we must learn to control our anger) and if pushed people yell.  It is unnatural to never yell.

i totally agree great advice

luv emz xx

i grow up with a father that only knew how to talk to his children by shouting and even tho we are both grown up now and have our own lives he still sometimes shouts at us

great advice sweetie i wish that i had that when i was growing up

do you listen when your partner ylls, or did you listen when your parents yelled at you. I try were possbile to calm the boys down enough to get down to their level and talk to them like an adult even if the eldest is only 4. If he does something wrong he is sent to a corner of the lounge (not his bedroom as I don't want it to be seen as a bad place to be) he sits there until he calms down (which is now becoming faster as he is learning the routine) and when he has calmed down I ask him to come sit with me and talk. I ask why he did why he did and why he thinks I made him sit in time out. 9/10 he has worked it out and either appoligises or we discuss it more with explination as to why these things happened.

It would be nice if it worked this easy all the time but what we must remember is when someone is yelling the are overwhelmed with emotion it is like they are in their own bubble and nothing matters unless its what they want. Let them vent and get it out before trying to tackle the issue.

I have used the bin trick o few times but have never actually thrown the items away instead I put them away for a month or so then bring them out when the kids have been extra well behaved. It works a treat they are so excited to have their favourite toys back nothing else matters and they are rewarded for behaving at the same time and it hasn't cost me anything but time.

Another Great article nell . . . . .

I too admit to losing control and yelling BUT like you i try my hardest NOT TO!

I find that talking to my children is preferable to yelling . . .  Now my 7yr old will come to me and say . . "hey mum can we talk" and i will listen and these days she usually comes and tells me when she has done wrong as she says she prefers the talks . . .

Cheers Kellz

thanks for the great article