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In a recent article, I read that using the "naughty corner" could lead to children being labelled as "Naughty". It's an interesting criticism. Labels, like stereotypes, can lead to limiting children to certain roles in the family and at school. The naughty boy in the class
becomes the scapegoat for all the kids, and even the teachers watch him/her extra hard, cause he's always up to no good. But labels only stick when we stop seeing our children as unfinished, full of potential, and not always responsible for their actions. Here's some thoughts about labels and how to deal with them.
(1) Firstly, children go through phases with challenges, frustrations and issues that need to be resolved. They grow tired of the same routines, tired of mum and dad always being the boss, tired of their sister or brother getting more attention. We need to make sure that naughty behaviour is put into context, understood and properly managed.
(2) Secondly, patterns of behaviour are most often triggered by external pressures, rather than internal. External things are what happens to the child that they have no control over. Internal things are like their growing desire to express themselves and have control over their environment. We need to differentiate between these two types.
(3) Thirdly, always talk about naughty behavior and not naughty children. Avoid labels and avoid talking about children in a negative way, your children and the other children you meet. Always start with understanding, rather than judgment. KIds deserve lots of chances.
(4) Finally, my children are often naughty and quite regularly end up "in the laundry on the red chair". It's a simple technique that can help you create boundaries and rules in the house that are essential for sanity and a happy house. Don't be frigthened to say you've been naughty, or you are a naughty girl: just don't start always looking for naughty behavior. It's called the Pygmallion effect and the subject of the wonderful book: To Kill a Mocking Bird. When we start looking only for reasons why a child is naughty and always disobedient, that is all we see and we start forgetting that they also do wonderful things.
Bringing up kids is actively trying to catch them doing good things, that being good is more rewarding than being bad. And by the way, if your child only does naughty things, then it's probably something about the home and his relationships with you or your partner that need to be changed.
Good luck
Wombat
(June 2006) (
