Be prepared

Life constantly throws us curveballs.  It's usually the most dramatic things that are the most unexpected.  And when those unexpected things happen, we often don't have a chance to think through how we really feel about the situation and to modify our behaviour.  Instead we often react first, and

This happens in all areas of life, but most often with our kids.  This is probably because these are the people we love the most and have the most invested in.  But as our kids strive to find their own identity and their own sense of individuality, we are going to come across these areas of conflict more and more.

One of the best ways to help prepare yourself for these situations is to think through how you feel about these situations beforehand.  Talk them through with your partner/spouse, maybe write down your reactions.  If thinking through the possible situations brings up unresolved issues, take the opportunity now to work through those issues, either on your own or with a trusted friend or counsellor.

Once you've dealt with your own feelings, think about how you will behave and what you will say when confronted with these situations.  Also think about how what you want to say may affect the person you're talking to.  You may want to modify how you communicate with the person based on that forethought.

I've come up with a list of a few scenarios I've thought of to start you off, but you may know of others that you've either thought of or that you've seen someone else go through:

• Your child asks "Where did I come from?"
• Your teenager tells you that they are pregnant / have got someone else pregnant.
• Your daughter / son tells you that they are gay / lesbian / bi-sexual
• You discover drugs in your daughter / son's possession.
• Your daughter / son comes home drunk / stoned / high.
• Your daughter / son is arrested.
• Your daughter / son assaults another person.
• Your daughter / son assaults your partner.
• Your partner assaults you or your children.
• Your daughter / son announces that they are leaving home.
• Your daughter / son runs away from home.
• Your daughter / son brings home a stray cat / dog.
• Your child drops out of school.
• Your child finishes year 12 but tells you they don't want to go to university.
• Your child gets their driver's license.
• Your child doesn't get their driver's license.
• Your child decides to reject your religion and follow another religion or become an atheist.
• Your child is beaten up by another child.
• You discover your child was molested.
• You walk in on your daughter / son in bed with another person (and engaged in something other than sleep!)
• Your child announces they're getting married.

Some of these possibilities may be easy for you to work out.  Some may be much harder.  But if you already know what you will do when you're confronted with the situation, you're already a step ahead.