Its not easy raising a child with special needs and i often want to look into my sons  brain so i can determine where I am failing and what I need to change as a mum.... so when you cant work out what they need the best thing is

1. Keep a sense of humor. Seek to enjoy, not to scream.

2. Celebrate your Aspie child's humor, creativity, and passion.

3. Remember that a child with Asperger's is still a child with thoughts and feelings, and that you are the adult this child looks to for support and guidance.

4. You do not have a standard child. You can view the issue as a disability. Or, you can view it as wonderful uniqueness. Or, you can view it as both. This "disability outlook" will help because it eliminates blame; sets reasonable expectations thereby minimizing anger; and points the way for parents/teachers to see themselves as "therapists" not victims.

5. Recognize that attention issues in the child are only the tip of the iceberg that the whole family must address.

6. The patient in Asperger`s is the whole family.

7. Remember that children with Asperger`s have two time frames: Now,and Huh. There is no future. There is only now. The past is non-negotiable.

8. Do you want to understand the aspie`s actions? Just ask yourself: What behavior would make sense if you only had 4 seconds to live?

9. Instead of punishing wrong behavior, set a reward for the correct behavior you would rather replace it with. Rewards should be immediate, frequent, powerful, clearly defined, and consistent. Also remember that a behavior always gets stronger before it changes.

10. Plan ahead. Give warnings before transitions. Discuss in advance what is expected, and what the results might be. Have the child repeat out loud the terms he just agreed to.

11. Dont argue; nag; or attempt unsolicited and spontaneous transplants of your wisdom to your child. Instead, either a) decide that the issue is aggravating but not significant enough to warrant intervention; or b) make an appointment with your child to discuss the issue.

12. Head off big fights before they begin. Seek to diffuse, not to inflame. When tempers flare, allow everyone to cool off. Serious discussion can only occur during times of composure.

13. Especially with teens, negotiate, negotiate, and negotiate. Parents need to model negotiation, not inflexibility. Dont worry about losing control: the parent always gets to decide when negotiation is over and which compromise is accepted. Remember: negative behaviors usually occur because the aspie is spinning out of control, not because he is evil. While evil behavior would need to be aggressively squelched, the much more common overwhelmed behavior needs to be calmly defused.

14. Pick your fights. Is the issue at hand worth chipping away at your relationship with your child? Can your child really control the offending behavior at this moment?

15. Although it is not the childs fault, he will still ultimately be the one to take the consequences of his behavior. It will help your child if you can explain the consequences clearly and logically when your child is able to listen.

16. This is hard work. It is also hard work for your child.

17. You will make it through this; you have no choice.

18. The children who need love the most will always ask for it in the most unloving ways. [Words of a teacher quoted by Russell Barkley.]

19. If it is working, keep doing it. If not, do something else.

20.  Forgive your child and yourself nightly. You didnt ask to live with the effects of Asperger`s any more than did your child.

21. Review this text, and others, periodically. You are going to forget this stuff, and different principles will likely be needed at different stages. 

22.  imagine your child delivering your eulogy. What do you want him to say about you? Keep those bigger goals in mind as you choose your interactions/reactions to your child.