Relabelling kids!

Here is my challenge for today for those of us who struggle with our children sometimes (go on admit that you do!). 

I wrote an article once before about labelling kids and had reinforced today that the way we think about our children affects their behaviour and their self esteem.  It is hard to think positively about yourself if you are constantly hearing that you are a challenge and a handful.  So, while I would never tell my children they are stupid I admit I do give them signals about the way I feel about them sometimes.

My son is a handful.  I admit that.  However I have been challenged by other parents to see it in a  more positive way.  So this is what I am doing and I suggest other parents do it too.

Firstly, write down some of the things that your child does that annoy you, or words that pop into your mind when you think about them.  For example - stubborn and strong willed.

Now have a look at those words and think about ways that this could be a positive thing. 

For example, my son is stubborn.  If I change that in my mind to 'determined' that becomes a good thing.  When he is a teenager and is deciding about his future, determination will help him reach his goals.
He is also 'strong willed'.  Yes, he knows his own mind and is independent.  This, again, will help him through peer pressure.

There is a whole lot of difference between the impact these words have on his self perception and on my attitude, yet there is only a small difference in semantics.

The next step is to start using them - every time you want to say something negative, rephrase it and use the more positive phrase.  When someone else says something negative, redirect them - for example someone says (negatively) "he's a bit precious, isn't he?", so, without being rude you could say, "yes, he is a perceptive and sensitive child".  This  changes the way others see him too and helps make those around you more positive.

You will soon find that most of the characteristics that drive you nuts have a positive counterpart that when encouraged becomes a mark of strong character and are something to be admired.  This exercise also helps you find ways of understanding your child and redirecting their negative behaviour.

I am off to do this more thoroughly now and I wonder if anyone else will join me?