Aspergers....To label or not to label?

Once upon a time people were labelled either eccentric, crazy,  nerds, rude, deviant. We considered these people to be abnormal and strange and we were taught to stay away from them in case we become rude like them…. However Man has now come up with a label to explain

Asperger's Syndrome is used to refer to people who have difficulties in social communication. Aspie's often have difficulty in recognising and using social cues, and are often clumsy or inappropriate in social interactions. You may view them as rude or insensitive without knowing why.

Aspie's often have unusual interests and behaviours that border on being obsessional... My son and his love of all things related to trains can drive me insane at times and I now know more about trains than anyone ever should. As children they have a firm opinion of what is right and what is wrong, There is no shade of gray in their eyes…The problem in society is not that there is anything wrong with these behaviours, but rather we ‘normal’ people don’t know how to deal with these behaviours…There is, it appears, no room in our lives for different and unusual characters

My son has often said the wrong thing in innocence upsetting someone who reacts badly. The other day at swimming lessons he told a little girl she was very fat and too exercise more..I explained to him at the time that it was rude. His problem is he says what he thinks unlike us normal people who think it but keep quiet…This in turn causes my sto get angry or frustrated; at school especially he is often the child in trouble… He appears to be a loner, happy by himself but in reality he just has given up trying to get others to accept him the way he is.  I, as his mum, have not helped by refusing to allow him to play with those who pick on him and take advantage of him. When they are the only people around, it makes my little boy even more lonely And more inept in social situations…My friend says her son; also a Aspie, has finally admitted he is very good at “acting’ normal and this makes me sad that one day my son will be saying the same thing to me

So why put my child under a stigma of a label?

The problem is that this is no sickness that can be cured with a pill….You can’t have an MRI, or immunize your babies against it….. It hits at random  or at times genetically…. You cant see that your child or loved one has a problem like with some illnesses or disorders and neither can a Gp, or Specialist … My son was diagnosed with Asperger's after I spent over $1000 on IQ tests, social skills tests, and talks with a specialist…

My mum was worried that my son would have a label that would follow him forever…I was more worried that he was going to slip between the cracks of an already overloaded system. I wanted my son to start school with plans in place to help him, I wanted to know what strategies would work at home, where I was failing him and how to get him ready for a world that may never understand or even accept him…..

NO> The label doesn’t help when people look at me with sympathy and “say oh you poor dear how do you cope?” It doesn’t help when people look at him differently, or when they ask how we can fix him…  Through our walk, I have discovered there is no real difference in my dealing with my Aspie son and someone who is dealing with an normal child…. Kids are all individuals and are motivated by different interests or rewards … All kids will misbehave, all will hurt, all will cry, all say things at the wrong time. All children need to be taught and brought up a certain way and if one thing doesn't work then we as their parents usually try something else

But YES> The label can help you get the extra funding and teacher support in the class to help your special child get thru … It can help people understand that Autism comes in all shapes and forms… It also allows you to read, read, read as much as you can and test out different ways of implementing strategy in your home…At the end of the day your child is your child whether they have a label or not…The label may get what your child needs or like us you may find that more doors are shut in the face of your child than ever before…We learnt that the first year of my sons schooling where he was punished for being different.

Through having a special child like my my son, I have learned that it’s not him that has to change.  It is my attitude that has had to rearrange what I thought was the right way of parenting and go with the way that works best with him…I know my son is always going to be different and he may never say the right things…But he will grow up and he will learn to deal with his special place in life and I have to help him do that the best way I can just like any other mother would