Designer baggage, Deal Breakers and Dating 101

I was sitting at home the other day and had a big revelation… I am ~single~ and I have been that way for over 2 and a half years now…This for me is a record of about 2 years and 4 mths[LOL].... But as I thought about the dating game and getting back on the horse I started to get a bit worried…  As a mum I have so little time that the thought of going out on dates seem impossible to factor into a life that is already overloaded… I don’t want a “daddy” for my kids but I would love someone to share the load with, to be there in the good times and for support in the bad… It’s not easy thinking about bringing another person into our happy little family…. And I don’t want to upset the dynamics, as things are hard enough as it is with master 6.

 I am for the first time in my life aware of how a Mum should look at dating. For the first time in my life I Have my own set of deal breakers>> I also have developed instincts that tell me when a red light is red it should stay red… I can’t make a bad relationship gain green light status… And I am always going to be a Mum first who has to put her babies first. No matter what…. MY children are young enough to have the right to be my primary focus…They shouldn't have to compete for time with me over another person and they are entitled to equal share of my love, time and affection.

I asked myself this week a few things on my quest as to whether I wish to put my toe back in the river

1.      Who am I? Am I happy with where I am in my life? Do I have loose ends to tie up? Do I have time for someone new? Am I emotionally and mentally available? Why do I want to date? Am I looking for Mr Right or Mr right now?  I don’t want to date before I am ready so am I ready?

2.      What are my Deal breakers? What will I accept and what is not going to be acceptable for me?  Do I have a problem with drinking? Or height? Or location?  Should they have kids? I Asked myself> what if I was in a relationship, but this one thing wasn't in place; could that relationship work?"

3.      How long before I let the kids in on a relationship? My kids get attached easily and so I have decided that I would wait the recommended 6 mths before they meet Mr could be… If I decided to let my children meet my new SO then I would introduce them as a friend… I’d plan a meet in a kid-friendly setting that's comfortable for my children, like a playground or McDonalds. And I’d keep it to about an hour.

4.      Lastly do I have the patience to get that not every relationship is the one? Am I willing to keep going even if it takes weeks, months or in my case years (cause I am such a hard woman to live with…my brother pointed this out in love to me recently….) Every time I take the plunge I learn something. As my mum says we take something from every person we meet, and Not every date will become a relationship.

The hardest thing when I think of Dating is that I come with baggage...Great big lots of custom made baggage…. I reek of it… You can see that it affects my life. It affects how I deal with others and how close I let people get to me. When you have kids though its assumed that you come with big ugly baggage and that you’re in the too hard basket. The thing is we all come with baggage but some people are better at hiding theirs… I don’t want to lose sight of the baggage I carry as it makes me me…

Single parent dating means finding a quality person you like, who likes you, and who is comfortable with your children. But the problem is theres a lot of people out there who profess to be great with children, may even have their own and yet they are the last people I would ever want near my babies......My kids deserve the best and finally i realize i deserve the best too.

And after all of this thinking... I finally get that maybe i am not at that place yet.....If he is out there then cool maybe we will cross paths but at the end of the day I’m not sure I would know what to do with him if I meet him right now anyway…