This is like the pot calling the kettle black, but as we are struggling with this I thought i would write some things i have learnt recently.

Firstly, have a set bedtime routine.  This does not necessarily mean a set time - but a set pattern.  New research has shown that babies following a simple three step routine fall asleep quicker and sleep better through the night.  This basic routine is: a bath, followed by a massage with quiet activities (eg reading stories) and lights out within thirty minutes of the bath ending. 

Repeat the same sleep cues every night - whether it is music, talking, a dummy, a feed, a wrap, holding hands etc... 

For us, my  baby has cues that are becoming increasingly inconvenient for me - breastfeeding to sleep on my bed.  I know you'll all go "how could you let that happen?"  Well, the truth is that I didn't intend it to and for months it has worked.  However, at ten months I am now finding I want my bed back and I want more sleep.  So I am trying to change the cues - it can be done, but it takes patience and care.

Yes, your baby needs to learn to self settle and put themselves to sleep, but this doesn't necessarily mean letting them cry it out.  There are other ways and only you can work out what they are (with a bit of advice from others about what has worked for them).

I am doing this by implementing a very strong physical routine.  We have always had one but it largely depended on me feeding her and calming her.  Now she has a bath, then as soon as she is dressed I take her to my room and put soft music on and dim the lights.  This and her wrap (see below) are physical cues for her that now is time to sleep.  Physical cues are very important and I personally think a comfort blanket, 'wrap' or toy is a good idea for this reason.

Then we have a cuddle and a story and a feed.  If she starts to fall asleep you can try and pull the nipple out (break the seal first of course) though this will take a while to work.  You can keep repeating it if you wish until it works.  The other thing is to use mannerisms and sounds while she is feeding that will become 'calm' associations - eg patting the back, stroking the head, saying 'SSHH'.  Once they are lodged in her mind as 'calm' associations you can use them at other times to calm her and hopefully bring sleep.

Most nights now she feeds for comfort and then we sit and cuddle and when she is ready she starts kicking her legs and bunching up her wrap (a muslin square she clings to when she is tired).  If she is adamant on feeding to sleep I don't go hard on myself and just say "tomorrow night".  If she does wake during the night I try every thing else first and then feed! 

One thing I have learned that seems to be working is to shorten the bed-time routine and aim to have them in bed by 8.00.  This is inconvenient for us as DH is often not home by then, but I have discovered that a small child's biological clock (your circadian rhythms I think Dr Karl calls them) is geared to sleeping best at about 7-7.30.  Putting them to bed later than this makes them overtired and harder to settle.

Anyway, as I said I am still learning and trying different things out but so far this has made a huge difference in settling her and keeping her asleep and I shall keep you posted on the bed issue!