my tearful childhood

i remember back until the age of 5 i was happy then my daddy was my world i was his shadow i even used to meet him off the bus with my mum when he finnished work then all of a sudden my mum got me and my sister from school and i played on my bike and my mum said its dinner time but that got me confussed wheres daddy we never have dinner without daddy so i asked wheres daddy though and she said daddys gone now you will see him at the weekend and the only explanasion she gave me was i dont love him anymore my little heart was shattered and she never cried 1 tear the next few days she had the bloke from 2 doors down round alot and she was always in the pub with him leaving me and my sister with the childminder the weekend came and my dad took us to my nans and i broke my heart to my great gran who told my dad what i said so he decided the answer was not to take us back for a while he kept us for 8 weeks we stayed at dads new girlfriends house an old flame from his past her little girl used to pull my hair but at least he gave me time of day i loved him so much a daddys girl all over 8 weeks later the police turned up and my mum wanted us returned i was so sad i wanted to stay with daddy i got home and my mum gave me loads of sweetshave as many as you like ive missed you girls that was the last time i saw my dad my mum stopped access bob 2 doors down had moved in he seemed just too nice it was always do you want a cuddle your such a special girl i got older and started asking questions and she just said i never loved him anymore and she did not from the time i was born so as a little girl i thought it was my fault then the poisioning come in she would call him whale meat and many horrible names he was my daddy i loved him very much he wa MY daddy and she took him away from me i will never forgive her for that then when i was 10 i searched the house for my dads phone number or adress bingo back of phonebook his mobile number so i called him as a kid i knew no better but to phone him off the house phone and spoke to him arranged for him to meet me off the train and i was going to run away to live withn my dad by this stage i had to call bob dad and he would hit me with a leather belt i was so scared of him i just needed my dad i knew he would not hurt me i was going to be meeting my dad on 3rd may my 11th birthday but on 31st  phonebill came in and they never recognised  the number so they went through the phonebook and they saw whos number it was it would not of been my sister she hates him it had to be me as of that day i never spoke to my dad the phone number got burnt i was heart broken fatherless and nothing i could do about it then bob started raping me and when i was in the shower he would steal my clothes and towel from the bathroom and ten he started coming in the bathroom as soon as the water stopped a young girl naked in the shower it must of turned him on one day he said right getout your towel is in the living room dry youself and get on the sofa i was so scared he had his belt in his hand and said unless you want this instead and my my dads camcorder was set up on the top of the tv and he taped himself raping his step daughter what A sick individual he did this for 6 yrs in that time i was runningh away and getting into trouble put myself into care at the age of 14 cos i was always running away from home 1 night my mum and police found me at a park 10 miles from home when she asked why i told her bob asked me to give him aa blow job he denied it and she believed him well what do i expect 2 alcoholics together what chance did i have i realised when i was 18 i had to tell the police and put an end to it and get on with my life i have not seen my sister mum bob or any of the family from that day onwards then ileft the county to find my dad and luckily found him within 48 hours by which time i was in a family of my own with a step daughter and partner and he took us in till we got our flat he never wanted me staying at bed and brekfast i will always hate my mum but she took my dad from me for 14 years now she has took my sister and i will fight and fight until i get her back no matter what it takes ..............................................................................................................................................