We are currently, and perhaps, have experienced this same question since the twins started in preschool three years ago with one of the twins... Taela....

She was born with a "Port wine stain" looking birthmark on the lower left hand side of her face on her jaw bone. Nothing was done or said about it from the dr's untill Taela was about 6months old when we noticed that this birthmark was actually growing!!! It got quite large and was unsightly to look at to the extent that people would stop us in the shopping centre and ask us "whats wrong with her head :(

After this happening time and time again i figured, who are you and what gives you the right to be so nosey about my child... i mean fair enough, twins,  wow we are sooooo blessed etc etc but to comment on my child when you are a complete and utter stranger with no link to our family what so ever etc.. the front of some people...

Back to the point here...Taela underwent extensive testing and monitoring by the leading surgeon of paediatric plastic surgery doctor behind the operations on the Nolan siamese twins and the armstrong twins in which both were huge success, still to this day, taela is being monitored by Dr Thiele at the royal childrens hospital and we are so very unfortuneate to have such a fantastic dr dealing with taela.

Her birthmark is actually called a Haemangioma which in laymans terms is a fluid filled cyst. The process that this takes on naturally are that for the first 12 months they grow... from 1-2 years they stay dormant and do nothing, then each year thereafter they reduce back down within themselves and basically correct itselff. But, with Taela, and given the size of the Cyst. it wont fully go away... she will be operated on. Purely for cosmetic reasons more than medical due to the positon of it and given that Taela is a Female.

So with this large lump on her face, bought out the curiousity in young children and peers that she attended preschool and year one and now year two with. Some of the children would call her a monster as she didnt look "Normal".

I would tell Taela time and time again and i still do now, that its not what you look like, its whats inside that counts and if a child is nasty to her cause she doesnt look quite the same as her sister or other children, then they arent worth talking to and to go and play with others instead and let the teacher know.

This isnt always as easy as said than done... and as a matter of fact, it was only Thursday this week that Taela was set on not going to school, i asked her why, her sister wasnt well, gastro has been through the lot of us lately and it was taryns turn to get it, Taela wanted to stay home and look after her sister. I told taela that taryn will be fine and that when taela sees the dr's at the hospital taryn still goes to school and all is ok so Taela can go to school even though taryn was staying home unwell. This bought on alot of tears and a somewhat of a temper tantrum as Taela realised that she was going to school alone with out her sister.....

Once i managed to settle taela down, i said to her, why dont you want to go to school? Taela replies, no one plays with me and i dont have any friends.... the poor little thing, she has dealt with this for so long now... i said why wont anyone play with you? Taela says cause of her face.. when will i look like Taryn and be beautiful mummy? Heart breaks every time this is asked of me from Taela....I tell her she is gorgeous, and just as  beautiful as her sister and not to listen!! Kids are so cruel, Taryn even is bullied cause she has a sister that looks different... I too fully understand the heartache that us parents feel when situations arise when we arent there by our childrens side to reassure them that they are beautiful...

I have found that making the teacher aware of this form of bullying is imperative!

Since i did that, the teacher had taela come to the front of the class and do a talk all about her face. Taela calls it her lump

Today it is barely noticable and surgery is more than likely going to be scheduled for next year sometime.

I sit rather often and think to myself, how do these children even know how to be so nasty,  i know with my children, i dont stand for this whatsoever and as much as i know and understand kids can be nasty etc, now that i am dealing with trying to deminish the possibility of this bullying having any long term effects on taela, its something that we have no control over, its something that if left alone, the detrimental repercussions it could have on the child, and wish there was some way that we could impliment a means of stopping this within our schools. I can only do what i have done in the past and still continue to do so now and will do in the future until Taela has her operation and that is to reassure her of her beauty, shower her with love and stay switched on to the fact that she goes through this everyday.

That is all we can do as parents, and hopefully one day it will cease!!

If only the world was full of parents that has the same determination to stop this as what we here on minti have!!

cheers and love to every one here

Sam and Rhys

Great suggestions...

My stepson went through this when we moved states with his father's job.  At his new school, there were kids he wanted to hang out with but they just kept blowing him off.  Well, he broke down crying and it just ripped my heart out.  He said he spent recess and lunch alone! 

We told him if they didn't want to hang out with him, screw 'em!  There were plenty of other kids at school to hang out with.  And he made lots of great friends and had a wonderful year. 

Kids can be so cruel!

Its is hard when youre a child like this, I would, however, be careful with a pick up line the example here is ok if youre a female but if a boy said it he's likely to get punched or labelled something he shouldnt by the other boys. Listen to the language of the peer group and furnish a line that will blend.  

As parents we want to assist our children in making friends to do that we need to know what his peers are like, blending in with similar clothing for eg; in Australia students wear uniforms so thats not an issue however after school wear is, I am not saying your child has to have the lastest everything dont get me wrong but they need something thats like the others to have a hook to get into the group. Clothes were my pick because they couldn't be stolen. Look at the peers physically do they all have their heair neat and tidy? Does your child? If they do fine if they dont then dont make your son brush his hair let him control what he looks like... some of the things we do because we know they are right can be damaging under the wrong circumstances.

Three of my children were not only in popular groups but mostly "king" of the hill but my second eldest wasnt and to make it worse her siblings called her blacky as in black sheep of the family because she was different she was quiet and studious they werent. For her I spent a lot of "me" time and I know I was lucky because it was a daughter and not a son experiencing social difficulties. Unfortunately being a boy in your teens always with your mum isnt a good look if your trying to find mates, my advice is not to push to hard he will find his way, in the meantime see if he can find some interest groups, as you say ballet for girls... sport or non sporting activities such as tea kwon do,  for boys anything but staying inside and moping.