Today, as I was watching the Greg Behrendt Show, it occurred to me that we all could use a little bit of a relationship makeover. I sincerely apologize if anyone takes offense at the suggestion of bad relationships. But we’ve all had them, and we need suggestions on how

to avoid them if at all possible.

Each of us have two types of relationships to contend with, vertical and horizontal relationships. I want to focus on the vertical for the time being. These relationships provide the greatest motivation for upward mobility (fancy term for self improvement . . .  lol).

 A geneology/family tree shows us clearly the vertical relationships which we have absolutely no say about. Positions above us represent authority in our lives; they are who we answer to for the choices of behavior we’ve imposed upon them. And to whom we owe a debt of gratitude because without them, we could not exist.

Positions below us represent what we are accountable for; they are who we are responsible for until they reach the age of majority, when they bear the full weight of consequence for their decisions. And to whom we’ve passed on the gift of life.

No matter how we feel about the situation, we are in the chain of command. And we must adjust accordingly. Every single relationship we have conforms to this model, the only difference is, in this example the relationships are blood ties. But think about it, you’ve got superiors at work, as well as subordinates. And we’re surrounded by peers constantly.

Some hold fast to the notion that blood is thicker than water, but I ask you, is that a reason good enough to excuse behavior you wouldn’t accept from anyone else?  Is the hurt received from a relative more or less painful than the hurt received from someone outside your family?  In my opinion, pain is pain, end of story. And I choose what I let slide, and what I address. Some call it choosing my battles; I call it a result of defining lines in my life.

The old adage, “The battle lines have been drawn!” is such a wonderful image because it is a declaration of preparedness. And there you have it, ultimately the more defined the lines are that say who you are, the more prepared you are for whatever life has to throw at you. With this degree of competence, and confidence, most will choose not to do battle with you. You can focus your efforts on the war of wellbeing in your home rather than the name calling sessions entertained by those who can’t get past the trivial.