I believe that one of the greatest tools we have in our parenting arsenal is the ability to model exactly what we want or expect of our children. And the skill I've found most valuable, or sought after, is the ability to listen. Not at all to be mistaken for the act of hearing.

Listening is a far more involved practice than merely understanding the words someone is using. When we listen, what we're doing is extending ourselves. Not only are we hearing the words, but are we hearing the anger, pain, embarrassment, frustration and so on. These feelings are transmitted through body language, vocal  intonation, and silence. As awkward as it may seem, most of what our children are telling us is done without the use of their mouths.

Since my kids were able to talk with me I've given them a job. That job, to be done every day, just like dad has to go to work every day, was to learn how to listen. To hear with their eyes, ears, and senses. It sounds like a lot, but let me break it down.

Listening to what we see -

    It's easy to go to someone when we see them visably shaken, but what happens when the communication is far more subtle? Avoiding eye contact, shuffling of the feet, rounded shoulders, etc. We've all seen the body language, we've all spoken using subtle movements that do not attract too much attention. The eyes are definately listening devices.

Listening with our senses -

    If something doesn't feel right, have you ever just let it go? I find it very difficult. Unrest in my house is something that I take very seriously. So I actively look for what's disturbing the members of our household, and if at all possible, take care of it to re-establish the peace that's vital to all of our successes. Granted, some things our children go through are a bit too personal for them to be discussing with us. By initiating the talk and extending ourselves to them, we are modeling listening for our kids.

Once I was watching a biography of Brooke Shields. The interviewer then spoke with Brooke's mom. When asked for an insight to Brooke's success, her mom said that it was Brooke's ability to listen, to hear what was being asked of her and deliver it wholeheartedly.

I've taught my children that they could have anything their hearts desired. All I've asked of them was an answer to the question; how do you intend to earn it? If they did their job, they would be able to formulate a plan and talk about it with me. The reward for simply sitting and talking it over with me was my commitment to do everything I could to help them achieve whatever it was that they were after.

The bottom line is this . . .  everybody wants someone who will listen to them. And the choice, to show interest or not, is your's and your's alone. What I tell my children is if they choose to be someone who listens, they will be sought after. Everyone wants to surround themselves with someone who'll listen.