In today's world I hear it a lot, where parents aren't getting the kind of cooperation they should expect from the children of their household. And this amazes me. One of the hardships is getting caught up in the blaming game, who's fault it is and all that. Let's forget about all that and focus on proactive parenting.

Everyone knows the principle of cause and effect, if this happens then that will occur. To put things in a different light, in order to get, you must give. We've lived with this all of our lives, so why is it then, that once we have children we tend to throw away all of our experience and want to give our children everything without expectations of them having to earn it as we have had to? In my opinion, this is an injustice first to our children, and then to ourselves. I mean, the longer we wait to introduce this in our children's lives, the harder it will be to straighten out their thinking, or change their minds about what is deserved rather than what is earned.

Children are like a watercourse, they take the path of least resistance. In later development, they translate their earlier experiences into expectations. If we simply give them everything, what are the chances of them looking at something they desire and figuring out what it takes to earn it? Not much. They'll cop an attitude, have a tantrum, isolate themselves till you give in, brown-nose, even start looking elsewhere to manipulate the world around them to get whatever it is they're after. This is totally unhealthy. And not the best that we can give them. We as parents are responsible for having the understanding of this natural inclination, and shaping their understanding of how things really work.

I believe in an open-ended system within a household, where I am a leader, not a dictator.  This is how it's laid out in my home . . .

As early as possible, get volunteers.

The younger they are, the better. Offer the chance for your children to help out around the house. Perhaps start with keeping their rooms picked up. In this way you can introduce the concept of things being in their place. Little rewards for consistancy in this matter will help a great deal later on.

Negotiate the terms.

Once your children get the idea that if they give a little, they can get a lot, you've opened up the gold mine. It really doesn't matter what it is they're after, they'll come to the bargaining table table ready to barter. If they want an allowance, you offer tasks for them to perform daily (chores) through which you can give them spending money on a weekly basis. Sounds just like us going to work for a salary.

Again, it really doesn't matter what it is they want. You are in a very unique position. Through the principles of cause and effect, you can shape a very healthy attitude in your children that is sadly missing in a lot of young adults today. And lastly . . . 

Always be prepared.

Never, never meet your child's request with resistance. If it's something you can't do right now, respond with "not today". Keep things going, if your child gets the idea that they are not going to get what they want from you, they will seek it out somewhere else. For example, let's say that Kimi wants an iPod, and you just can't afford it. You could then repond with "we can't do that today, but if we put our heads together, I'm sure that we can get that for you soon." In this respect, your child can never accuse you of working against them, which really hurts. Instead, they can see you as being on their side, ready, willing, and able to help them get or achieve anything they want.