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ADVICE RATING

4.77 (Highly recommend) from 18 votes (561 Visits)

Children that blame themselves for Domestic Abuse

(May 2007) (rank 1st)

I have often seen how protective the boys are over me

I actually found it rather sweet

The way that they are so sure that they can look after me

The way that they constantly tell me that their dad will not get near me ever again

What parent wouldn't think what lovely children I have been blessed with

Well, now I know what their driving force was...

GUILT !

Apparently they are mentally beating themselves up that the only reason I got hurt was because they were not "man" enough to stop it. They were too scared for themselves and they let me down!!!

Who much do you think this hurts as a parent to know that they have been thinking this

What should they have done????
Never let me alone with their dad??????
Stop him from yelling?????
Get in the way of his temper?????

Would it have made a difference????
Of course we adults can see that this would have not only been dangerous,
it wouldn't have stopped anything and
in fact their stepping in may have even made things far worse.....for all of us!!!!

There are many forms of Abuse
Physical Abuse
Emotional Abuse
Psychological Abuse
Financial Abuse
Sexual Abuse
Child Abuse
These are all listed in no particular order as any one who has been on the end of any form of abuse knows, no form is actually worse than any other kind

Abuse is Abuse!

So if you are living with any form of abuse
Make sure your children know
IT IS NOT THEIR FAULT!!!
IT IS NOT THEIR RESPONSIBILITY TO STOP IT
and neither is it THEIR ROLE TO PROTECT THE VICTIM OF THE ABUSE

Any contributed content above is the subjective opinion of that member or external author, and not of Minti.com Pty Ltd. If you are searching for health related advice we strongly suggest you seek professional medical support. View our Terms of Service for more details.

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ADVICE RATING

4.77 (Highly recommend) from 18 votes

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| October 2007 \| ellamia

Re: Children that blame themselves for Domestic Abuse

Great article and all very true.

thanks for sharing this,

Love Kell

Reply

	December 2007 \| exquisite-flower

Re: Children that blame themselves for Domestic Abuse

I agree, thank you for sharing this because I know it is not easy and it is intensely personal.
Peace
♥EF.x

Reply

	5.00 (Excellent) \| October 2007 \| Rebecca2

Re: Children that blame themselves for Domestic Abuse

You are so right,

Reply

	5.00 (Excellent) \| October 2007 \| meggles

Re: Children that blame themselves for Domestic Abuse

you are so right. My son is the same. He is so sad about things it would break your heart

Reply

	5.00 (Excellent) \| September 2007 \| lonely28

Re: Children that blame themselves for Domestic Abuse

how did i miss this little gem of advice???? I can be a little slow sometimes

.... that is great advice helen and thanks heaps for putting this one out there.

love ya,

fi xoxo

Reply

	September 2007 \| nell18-3

Re: Children that blame themselves for Domestic Abuse

Thankyou Fi
Emz seems to be going through my archives!!!! She must be bored LOL
I had forgotten about most of them myself
xxx

Reply

	5.00 (Excellent) \| September 2007 \| emmie

Re: Children that blame themselves for Domestic Abuse

great advice there , your totally right it would have been very dangerrous to protect u however they should not feel blamed either and any effect of abuse is a abuse and is wrong thanks for sharing this nell

cheers luv emz xx

Reply

	September 2007 \| nell18-3

Re: Children that blame themselves for Domestic Abuse

Its such a huge thing for a child to deal with already without adding on the guilt factor, when they have nothing to feel guilty about.
xxx

Reply

	5.00 (Excellent) \| May 2007 \| cazza

memories-nell18-3

Great article, and i think you are just great how you explain to your boys that they havnt done nothing wrong- if only there was more mums like you... Also as a foster mums we have in the past had to explain to the children that have being there and saw that it isnt their fault, what gets to me is when the parents are getting abused and then take it out on their children, as thats what happen to me with my mum....32 years later and she still blames me for why she mistreated me, but i dont hold any guilt, im so over it...

Reply

	5.00 (Excellent) \| May 2007 \| nell18-3

memories-nell18-3

Thankyou Cazza
I'm so glad for you that you were able to let go of the misplaced guilt that was put on you!!
I hope by nipping this in the bud now with my boys they will feel the same release
xxxxx

Reply

	5.00 (Excellent) \| May 2007 \| mumof2b

Heart felt

Your poor boys to be feeling this way, it breaks my heart that someone that is supposed to care about them has made them feel this way. You definately have some amazing kids that love you and are looking out for you.

Amanda.

Reply

	May 2007 \| nell18-3

Heart felt

Thankyou Amanda
My kids are the best!!!!!!
Mind you I know lots of Mums who will disagree with that statement

xxx

Reply

	5.00 (Excellent) \| May 2007 \| cookclan

Helen well written

What can I say but
MWAH
Mwah
Angie

Reply

	May 2007 \| nell18-3

Helen well written

Thankyou Angie
You know as well if not better than anyone what the kids put on themselves by way of unnecessary baggage, I'm so glad I found out what they were thinking so I could put a stop to it
xxx

Reply

	5.00 (Excellent) \| May 2007 \| crystalmoon

seeing things through their eyes

can be very frightening when we realize what is actually in their minds........I am sure you are dealing with this with dignity and courage.Your children are getting as much re-assurance and love as they can from you.I think it is wonderful of you to share your tragic experiences with us and use them to make us more aware of what our children are seeing and thus thinking.Well done on a heartfelt and wise article regards Crystal

Reply

	5.00 (Excellent) \| May 2007 \| nell18-3

seeing things through their eyes

Thankyou Crystal
You give me too much credit, a lot of the time I tend to write about it as part of my healing too, if I can help anyone along the way then that is a bonus to me. But when I write it then its like letting go if you know what I mean. It stops it festering at me from inside cos its there out in the open

Hope that makes sense!!!
Thanks for you very kind words
xxx

Reply

	5.00 (Excellent) \| May 2007 \| mumof1girl

Abuse

I've been through a couple of those abuse you have mentioned, and it's not nice. I am still scared to this day over it.

That's soooooo good of your boys to think like that, but it is stressing at the same time. It's good to know your boys are their for you.

Reply

	5.00 (Excellent) \| May 2007 \| nell18-3

Abuse

Abuse through anyones eyes, be it abuser, victim, family member, friend or random stranger in the street is always nasty and has a long lasting effect on you
I'm torn too. On one hand I'm so proud of my boys for thinking that I have to look after me whilst on the flip side I shudder to think of the guilt they put on themselves
xx

Reply

	5.00 (Excellent) \| May 2007 \| Deborahsc2203

our porr babies

My boys suffered in silence about this for years ,even know i hid things from them ...kids are alot smarter then we give them credit for ...the Abusers just dont realise what affect it does have on our children , it can take years to try to erase what they have either seen or heard ,, , they seem to think thats what triggered off the onset of my sons ocd ,

Good Article nell,,, your a wonderful mum xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Reply

	May 2007 \| nell18-3

our porr babies

Yea I can understand why it would have triggered off something like OCD with your son
Certainly my sons ADHD is far worse since the whole situation got so out of hand
Most Abusers seem to live in such total denial that they would never think about the effect it has on their children
Thanks Debbie
xxx

Reply

	5.00 (Excellent) \| May 2007 \| madchanny

as always Nell...

yet another great article:)
sometimes i used to feel the same way (thinking i could have done something when my dad started getting abusive)
xxx channy

Reply

	May 2007 \| nell18-3

as always Nell...

Its strange that it never ever crossed my mind that they would be thinking this way

I'm so sorry you went through the same guilt trip Channy at least you know now that nothing you did could ever have changed anything for the good
xxx

Reply

Related keywords: abuse, children, domestic, guilt, protective, responsibility, temper, victim


Any contributed content above is the subjective opinion of that member or external author, and not of Minti.com Pty Ltd. If you are searching for health related advice we strongly suggest you seek professional medical support. View our Terms of Service for more details.

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