My cousin and his wife are due to have their first baby anyday. When I told him that my birth story was being published next month he asked for an advance copy so he could get some tips. I sent it to him but then thought, hang on, what are
my key tips for giving birth (as I am such an expert - not!). So here goes:
Prepare for anything - research, decide what you want - what is very important to you and what is minor? For me the goal was a natural birth - the first time that didn't happen and I ended up feeling unconnected to my baby. If I had known a bit more there are ways we could have worked around the 'medical' side of things to help the emotional and spiritual passage, as this is important. Birth is an introduction and a passage - not only for the baby but I believe it is for the mother and family too.
If everything went wrong what would enable you to still achieve your goals? For example, if a caesar becomes necessary, can you ask to hold the baby before it is wrapped, can it stay in recovery etc...? Can they plan the caesar to occur after you start labouring? If you need to be induced - can it wait until after your due date, can you try different methods? How many people do you want present, what environment do you want and what should the staff do if things are not progressing?
Second, communicate! Communicate these things to each other, to your midwife, doula, doctor, partner (ie whoever will be present). A birth preference sheet is a way to do it, but remember to keep communication open and always ask "why" - why does this have to happen, is there any other way, what elements can I change to suit me, what will happen if we don't do that etc...?? One lovely home birth lady gave me an acronym for the questions to ask - I've lost it but I'll see if can find it for you.
For the partner, listen! Listen to what she is telling you - eg is she hot, cold, tense, scared, lonely etc... If she asks you to do something do it - I needed to hold my husband's hands throughout - it made me feel stronger and kept me going.
Stay calm - fear breeds stress which promotes pain in your body (see my tips in the comments below). This will cause your body (ie mother) to cramp up and make everything worse. Breathe calmly, keep your body relaxed, move around a lot, keep your shoulders down and your mouth open, make noise, laugh. Don't be hard on yourself if you find you need pain relief or intervention - use what you need to get you there! Be flexible.
The biggest thing I guess is to surrender to the process - let your body do what it knows to do, listen to what it is telling you and what your baby is wanting to do. You cannot control what happens, but be at peace with it and enjoy the flow of whatever happens.
Take some time afterwards to connect to your baby - even after a caesar. Cuddle lots (skin to skin - and that goes for dads too), feed often and ask if you can have a bath together if you need to feel connected. Don't be afraid to spurn visitors or phone calls if you need the time (but politely of course). Ask for help if you need it and that applies when you go home too.
I'm trying to think if there is anything I've missed - if so I'll add it later, but I hope that this helps anyone in that situation. Hang in there - labour will be over one day (it is only a short period of your life) and you will have a fabulous outcome - a little life to cherish!
(May 2007) (
