Being a MUM...The tears and joys

When I was younger I never really thought of being a mum as becoming the most important part of my life…. I never realised it would be the reason I exist… That I would change my life, my character, my views, my goals and my dreams to be in charge (or perhaps led is the better word) by some tiny little being. Parenthood for me happened for a reason; to give me a new chance at life. Being a parent is something I have to work at every day of my life. It doesn't hold me back but rather pushes me and expands my capacity to love and be loved . It has become the reason I wake and the reason I breathe. Everything I do is for my children these days and often I put myself at the end of the line (but it doesn't bother me as much as it once would have).

As a mum I have given up a lot of the friends in my past and entered a new special group of the elite. The instant bond I feel with other parents, as if we are a secret society in which we deal with the sleepless nights, tantrums, and endless childhood illnesses. A club that understands what it means to have be awake all night cause your child is sick or how a dirty hand on a white shirt is no longer a big thing cause it is done in love…What other club can you belong to that will clean up when someone has been sick without a whinge or changes dirty nappies with a smile on the face.  Being a parent is so much harder than working for the bank ever was… It’s may be harder than dealing with disgruntled customers but it’s also the job I have loved most…

I wear my battle scars as a mum with as much pride as I can muster…. Stretch marks that cover most of my body remind me of where I have been (even when if i was able to forget)… But even now almost 3 years later I find it amazing that I can carry my 14-kilo baby in one arm and bags of shopping in the other and still walk with a lift in my step…. I may have been awake from 5 am but I still put my baby to bed with a piggyback and a smile…. I now have stamina and endurance like the greatest wrestler

Every time I watch the news and see stories of kidnapped kids, or the starving children in other countries I feel a deep sense of sadness that never really touched me before i was a mum…. I look at my own children and suddenly I feel such deep love and fear all at once that I want to run from the problems of life to protect them. Even when my son says or does something that is not appropriate I cant help but smile on the inside cause he is here .My goal in life is to raise him and his sister right. 

No matter how tired I may feel when I wake knowing I have to do it all again, I get up and I do it… Why? Because of the overwhelming love I feel for my children…. A love that takes over …The love of a parent for a child.

So what is the The best thing about being a parent.....  I know that I am loved  unconditionally and that I am the world to someone else (like they are the world to me). I knew being a mum wouldn't be easy but My reward is the little smiles they throw my way or the small hand that reaches out for mine when i need their touch the most...

Being a Mum

Before I was a Mum I made and ate hot meals.
I had unstained clothing; I had quiet conversations on the phone.
Before I was a Mum I slept as late as I wanted
and never worried about how late I got into bed.
I brushed my hair and teeth everyday.
Before I was a Mum I cleaned my house each day.
I never tripped over toys or forgot the words to lullabies.
Before I was a Mum I didn’t worry whether or not plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.
Before I was a Mum I had never been puked on, pooped on, spit on,
chewed on, peed on, or pinched by tiny fingers.
Before I was a Mum I had complete control over my mind,
my thoughts, my body and I slept all night.
Before I was a Mum I never held down a screaming child
so that doctors could do tests or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a sleeping baby.
Before I was a Mum I never held a sleeping baby
just because I didn’t want to put it down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn’t stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love being a Mum.
Before I was a Mum I didn’t know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn’t know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn’t know the special bond between a Mother and her child.
I didn’t know that something so small could make me feel so important.
Before I was a Mum I had never gotten up in the middle
of the night every ten minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache,
the wonderful fulfilment, or the satisfaction of being a Mum.
I didn’t know I was capable of feeling so much
Before I was a Mum. 

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