On fairness and competition

Life is tough, specially when you are young and have lots of peer pressure.  As parents we have to equip our children to deal with life and here in the UK (I suspect elsewhere too) this is not helped or made easier by the society in which we live.

"It's not fair" are words that are uttered many, many time a day, I would think, and, true -  life is not fair.  Nowhere does anybody or anything promise that life will be fair.  LIfe is tough; life if unfair; and life is one big competition!  What are we as parents doing to help our children to deal with this?

What better place for children to learn that life is not fair, than in the loving surroundings of "home" and "family"?  As parents we are always told to be fair and treat our children the same.  That is all very well, but children are not the same, so why should they all be treated the same?  Now I am not saying that you have to go out of your way to be unfair to your children, but I do think that as parents we have to try and make sure that children are not always treated the same, but rather treated according to the situation and the particular child and the personality of the child involved.

When children are young, it is not as easy to do, but still needs to be attempted I believe, so it doesn't come as a complete surprise that life if not fair.  For example:  when handing out cake - don't always cut the slices the same size.  Someone will have to have the big half and someone the little half! (As parent, try and make sure that it isn't always the same child that loses out -(this is part of the loving enviroment in which to learn these lessons!) as this will have a detrimental effect in the long run.  But in the short term, someone gets lucky and someone doesn't.  Next time the roles are reversed (if mum of dad gets it right!).  This way any unsocial or unwanted behaviour can be discussed and guidance can be given.

I look at my 3 children.  So different!!  I would allow my daughter to do things that I would never have allowed one of the boys to do at the same age, simply because she is so much more mature  and sensible and able to make good decisions.  I have had to defend my decisions to the boys, but they understand why and once having had it explained, agree with why I made those decisions.  I would allow my boys to do things that I would never allow my daughter to do, simply because they are boys and she isn't.  Now that is not being unfair, or holding back the feminist movement - that is simply being realistic.  As a girl she is at far greater risk of being raped and far less able to defend herself, simply because of the difference in physical strenght, than the boys!  Therefor I have to make the decision based on what I am faced with.

LIfe is also one big competion!  We are all in a race and we are not going to win as one big, happy team!!  Children have to learn that there are losers and there are winners in life.  That is just how life is.  They have to learn to deal with it and the sooner they learn how to deal with it, the easier it will make their life in the long run.  It really saddened me when the schools here abolished competion on sports day!  Every one was alloted a team and it was the team that won or lost.  Unfortunately, there will be no team to help your child when he/she has to apply for that all inportant job!  They will have to do it all by themselves and if they have learnt to rely on teamwork, that won't be much good to them at all!

It doesn't have to be all out war at home when teaching them to be competitive.  Make chores and games fun by putting an element of competition in!  See who can do their chore (properly!) the fastest or play competitive games.  Again, if this is done in a loving environment, behaviours can be discussed and the good encouraged and the bad discouraged.  Once out in the big wide world, this won't happen - it will be too late.

Being in a loving enviroment is the best enviroment for learning acceptable behaviour.  Behaviour that will stand them in good stead socially, but also when it comes to going for that job or getting that promotion!

Good luck!

On your marks, get set............