ADVICE RATING |
 4.94 (Highly recommend) from 19 votes (191 Visits) |
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It really is o.k not to be o.k |
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by lonely28  (May 2007) (rank 500+) |
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It really is o.k not to be o.k. It really is o.k to admit that you are not coping, that you have no idea what it is that you are doing. As not only parents but human beings as well we don't have to be super human. There will be times
in life where things become overwhelming e.g. sick kids, not enough money, too many bills etc, etc. it's how we get through it all that counts. There are some of us that cope quite well, never keep a good person down and so on. Then there is people, more than you realise, that give the illusion of coping really well. No one likes to admit that they are not strong enough, that they are not o.k but sometimes admitting it can be the biggest relief.
As not only a parent but a Youth Worker I have seen both sides of being strong all the time. WHether or not you realise it, you are setting an example to your kids from the moment they come into this world. In my line of work I've had some kids come into my office as strong and confident people, yet they feel shame in admitting that they have no idea what it is they want to do in life, that they really have no idea how to cope, they've only ever been told to chin up, be strong, don't cry. Many of them have told me that they have never cried in front of their parents, never opened up to them out of fear of being harshly judged and criticised. They didn't want to be seen as weak so they kept everything inside. There are some that admitted that they weren't coping, that they didn't know what tools they had inside of themselves to cope. However, there were also kids I saw only the once....... some of them are no longer with us. They were never given the chance to be anything else but strong. Then there the ones that are now parents themselves and are really keen not to repeat the behaviour of their own parents. To help them and hopefully some of you, here are some steps that I have used personally and professionally:
- Admitting that you are not coping is not a sign of weakness, it's one of the biggest shows of strength and bravery. Admitting it is the first step so find someone that you trust and speak to them, put it out there.
- Recognise and acknowledge the emotions that you are feeling. Don't try and surpress what you are feeling. Think to yourself "I am angry etc because....... Giving your emotions a voice can be very empowering.
- Write things down. This allows you to take time, step back and view whatever is going on from an "outsiders" perspecticve. Sometimes you can't see the problem for what it really is when you're in the middle of it so take that time.
- Don't try and be strong for the sake of others. Thinking that you have to be strong for everyone all the time is doing no one any favours, especially yourself. You are only human and can only do your best. That's what most of us tell our children so why is it that we can't do the same?
- If you feel that things are getting to out of hand, seek professional help. A great, positive first step is talking to your G.P. They will be able to refer you to the appropriate health professional that will benefit you the most.
- Not comfortable talking to your G.P? Pick up the phone. There are wonderful people that man the helplines like Lifeline 131114. You can find more numbers in the front of your phone book (Australia that is). It is anonymous and can literally be a "lifeline'.
- Show and teach your kids that you don't have to be strong all the time. Teach them coping strategies instead of just telling them to toughen up, be strong you'll be fine.
- Keep the communication lines open. Make time to really listen to your kids and try to understand where they are coming from. You are their biggest role model and influence, show them you care by taking the time and allowing them to feel.
Let yourself and your kids be human and feel all range of emotions. It really is o.k not to be o.k, to admit that you need help. We are only human after all, we're not born with superpowers (it would be nice though)........
Hopefully this has been of some help to you all.
fiona xo
Lexi xxx
!!!!! I appreciate it I really do.
