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ADVICE RATING
 (Highly recommend) (Highly recommend) (Highly recommend) (Highly recommend) (Highly recommend) 4.99 (Highly recommend) from 38 votes (385 Visits)

When children just want to protect

nell18-3 by nell18-3 Young Parent(May 2007) (rank 2nd)
Three of my children feel it is their duty to protect me

My beloved daughter is 19 and my best friend

My 13 year old Son now feels he is Man of the House

My 9 year old Son who thinks everything is his fault

Why do some children feel they have to protect their parent???

What has happened that they feel it is their duty to protect

Not their right to be protected???


Why do my younger boys feel they have no rights to enjoy their childhood?
Why does my daughter sense my "bad" moments even though she now lives away from home?
Why does my daughter feel such duty and loyalty to me that she will sometimes even feel she has let me down by finding pure happiness for herself?
Why does my daughter put so much pressure on herself with worrying that her younger brothers will one day feel she has abandoned them like their older brother has done?
Why do my younger sons worry about me whilst they are at school and even stand by me when the phone rings at home, just incase I may need them to help or comfort me?

So many questions but only one answer!

All this because they saw their Mum in an abusive relationship that gradually wore me down to such a point, that I almost gave up on life itself.

My poor children.
Will they ever recover?

Can I ever see them enjoy to the maximum the lives they should be living?
When will they all be able to relax and take pleasure from the good things happening to them without worrying when it is all going to go wrong again?

Neither my daughter or my two younger sons can stand the fact that I have been cut off by so many so called friends that have been taken in by the tears of a Man, not afraid to cry, whilst I have become imprisoned in a world of fear and rejection. A world where I am seen to be the Liar. A world where they think their Mum is hated by the community whilst the Man they saw hurt their Mum is still being accepted by everyone and respected by everyone too.

How this hurts them all is so painful.

I would love for my younger boys to be able to look at me without feeling guilt that they didn't stop some of the events they have already had to endure.

I would love for my daughter to find a way of letting her anger go before it suffocates her.

I yearn for the day when my daughter and young sons will accept that they too can have and deserve to have a happy life without worrying about me.

What Can I Do To Help Them?

There is only one thing I can do

Take back the reins for my own life and look forward again with a positive and fresh way of looking at things.
Encourage my younger boys to be children again and not take on the responsibilities and pressures that should only be thrust on adults.
Release my daughter by not telling her all my little anxious moments, leaving her free to relax and enjoy her new life

But Most Importantly
Love Them with the Love that totally frees them and they know is 100% unconditional and never ending.
Any contributed content above is the subjective opinion of that member or external author, and not of Minti.com Pty Ltd. If you are searching for health related advice we strongly suggest you seek professional medical support. View our Terms of Service for more details.
ADVICE RATING
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liswal
January 2009 | liswal
Re: When children just want to protect

A great and honest article. Your kids love you the same way you love them. You would protecst them if they were in danger and they are just doing the same for you.

I hope your future is a happy one!

regards, Lisa :)



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bruciegee
January 2009 | bruciegee
Re: When children just want to protect

Great self awareness there... thanks for being so open and honest!

All the best in your journey onwards in taking the reins, and loving your kids unconditionally! Way to go!



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vicki316
December 2008 | vicki316
Re: When children just want to protect

Do remember some men can change. MY husband was abusive but now after coucelling. WE are a haappy FAMILY



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MandyW
December 2008 | MandyW
Re: When children just want to protect

u r the luckiest mom in the world. they want to protect u, because they received a whole lot of love for you. it is an act of love. however, they will still enjoy their childhood, but especially boys are very protective of mom



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KhuThao
December 2008 | KhuThao
Re: When children just want to protect

Thank you for putting it out there the way you did... I'm sure it will help other weman in the same situation.



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leaia
December 2008 | leaia
Re: When children just want to protect
very helpful


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mummyjade
December 2008 | mummyjade
Re: When children just want to protect

I would have to see this advice is something I grew up with.  I was the kid.  My mother was in and out of relationships since my mum and dad split when I was 8.  Some were verbally abusive while others could be physical.  As the eldest out of my brother and I, I had to take on the role of mum.  Protecting both my mother and brother from these men.  I would come home from school, clean and cook tea all from a young age as my mums pride and confidence was way down.  My mother and my relationship is still not fixed as at now 25 I still see myself as the mother figure, worried and looking for her when she goes missing (she runs when she is upset). 

The best thing for me is when she does seem happy and she laughs.  But it will always be hard and I dont think it will ever change for me to give up that mother role I have with my mum.

 



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mistilsmum
December 2008 | mistilsmum
Re: When children just want to protect

I'm sure now they see you moving forward they will too, You sound wonderfully positive so I'm sure it will rub off on them in the near future, Good luck to you all, take care of yourself and your kids... it's nice they care so much enjoy that too

 



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boredmum
November 2008 | boredmum
Re: When children just want to protect

Great advice yet again hon. Your kids will be fine sweetie, they have a wonderful mum.

Love ya xoxo



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Aula
November 2008 | Aula
Re: When children just want to protect

it's really great advice ...



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lisyp
November 2008 | lisyp
Re: When children just want to protect

Children love unconditionally, They see everything so inocently. They know where their stability comes from and know who loves them always. As adults they will remeber what you have endured and they will also remeber who was always there in the middle of the night. More anything because they want to protect you syas just how wonderful a person you really are. Tha is a gift.



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purplecupcake
November 2008 | purplecupcake
Re: When children just want to protect

wow  amazing!!!!!!!



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pebbles74
October 2008 | pebbles74
Re: When children just want to protect

your article is fantastic not only are you getting it all of your chest but helping copious amounts of parents on this site feel better.  I think that the protecting gene in our children is worth loving and respecting because if they care and worry about their own family's the same way later on then we know that we have done a fantastic job at raising the next generation of doctors, lawyers bankers and teachers. 

I think that personally your children are very blessed to have a mother as caring as you.  But i happen to think that your luckier than them, they sound like a beautiful bunch of kids,  take care god bless



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hollie8452
October 2008 | hollie8452
Re: When children just want to protect

great advice



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jakeybabiie
October 2008 | jakeybabiie
Re: When children just want to protect

HOW CUTE THANKS FOR THE ADVICE



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kiwikylie79
January 2008 | kiwikylie79
Re: When children just want to protect
hi i find that my son is the same way i am a single mum and have been since i was preg wit him. i have tried everythin to teach him thats not the way that it goes but i think i have to agree with sandra


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exquisite-flower
December 2007 | exquisite-flower
Re: When children just want to protect
My daughter does the same to me, and I so often wish she would just be a child.  She has been through far too much and I so want her to regain her innocence and security of a 'normal' child of 4.
Peace
EF.x 


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ellamia
October 2007 | ellamia
Re: When children just want to protect
Great article. Your a great person and a great mum and friend.

Love Kell


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Lunaeclips
5.00 (Excellent) | October 2007 | Lunaeclips
Re: When children just want to protect
This is how my kids are and how i was as a child.


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Leigh86
5.00 (Excellent) | September 2007 | Leigh86
Re: When children just want to protect

jus read ur article u r an amazin person. sounds like u av bin thru alot but come thru it 4 the betta.



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      nell18-3
5.00 (Excellent) | September 2007 | nell18-3
Re: When children just want to protect
Thankyou so much for those lovely words.
I'm definitely stronger and I also feel I am finally myself
xxx


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hermy
5.00 (Excellent) | May 2007 | hermy
When children just want to protect
your children have seen the ins and outs of what your ex has to put you through.....they have seen it all first hand so it's no wonder they want to protect you......and ofcourse the fact that you are such a wonderful mother to them....even though you feel you are taking something away from them, i am sure they don't see it this way because they most probably feel usefull by the suport that they are able to give you......the mother that they LOVE.......great article nell.....thank you for sharing......regards Sandra xxxx


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      nell18-3
5.00 (Excellent) | May 2007 | nell18-3
When children just want to protect
Thankyou Sandra
Why does life have to be complicated hey????
xxx


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angelmum
5.00 (Excellent) | May 2007 | angelmum
You know what
what ever you go through as a parent your children will always protect you and go through it with you, my mum battled cancer when I was 13 and my brother battled another illness so as siblings and sons and daughters we are soooo very protective of mum and my brother, none of us will ever get over what we went through with both of them but to see them get up and carry on with their life in such a gusto positive way was healing enough..... with a mum like you mate your kids will grow up to be wonderful wise adults x


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      nell18-3
5.00 (Excellent) | May 2007 | nell18-3
You know what
Thankyou Fi
Its just a shame when life gets so warped that its the children looking after the parents, no matter what the circumstance. I would be the same as you if any of my family were ill. Especially when it is something as scary as cancer. Hope everyone is doing well now
xxx


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