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Learning to trust again part 1 |
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by lonely28  (June 2007) (rank 58th) |
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When a trust is broken between either spouse's, friends or family it can be one of the hardest things to overcome as trust is key in the relationships we have. Having experienced this many times throughout my own life and helping other people overcome it, I thought that I
would share some steps in re building trust.......
- To start it really is beneficial to realise your own feelings first and the hurt that has happened. This is only the start, you need to be able to give your feelings a voice and to recognise that you have been hurt. It is easier to deny than it is to realise. There are so many different feelings that occur when a trust is broken and they usually come flooding in all at once. Take the time to recognise each feeling as they come in instead of feeling everything all at once. By doing so, you are giving yourself time to calm down and see what has happened for what it really is and not blowing it right out of proportion. Allow yourself all the time you need to come to terms with what has happened.
- Forgiveness.... the hardest part of all. As we all know life is all about choice, so choosing not to hold what has happened against your spouse,friend etc and choosing not to "make them pay" is the hardest choice to make. By doing so, you are putting a stop to the vicious circle that we all can fall victim to. The circle of "well you did such and such to me so therefore you must suffer". You feel great for a while and then the feeling of "greatness" falls away, guilt can sometimes creep in, so you then come up with new ways to bring the person down. How long can you keep this up for?? There are some people that can keep this going for a lifetime. All that time and energy spent on hurting someone and not on healing yourself is no good for anyone. Wouldn't you rather heal yourself than hurt someone else? The last thing anyone of us want to do is to forgive the person who has broken our trust but to be able to truly move on we have to. If we choose not to forgive the hurt we feel begins to manifest into bitterness. On a personal note, this was the hardest thing for me to do. For years I held onto the hurt and then bitterness set in. I found that once it had, it was harder to break free from than it was to forgive the past and the hurt. Forgiving someone means that you are repeatdly making decisions not to go back over the past which is what we all need for our own emotional health.
- Begin to work out what trust means for you and other the person. This is one of the stepping stones in setting a new direction for the relationship. It also means that you are setting the scene for complete honesty and openess within the relationship. Asking each other to help trust again is vital. Don't assume the other person is on the same page as you. Make it clear that you need this person to help you. It is near impossible to do it on your own. Afterall, it's a partnership whether it's your spouse, friend or even your child. Partners stands for two not one.
This is only the beginning of what is a very hard process for anyone. Gaining someones trust to begin with is very easy and for the most part, breaking it can be even easier. Choosing to trust someone again is very, very hard but often worth it. Life is all about choices....... it's the toughest ones that can be the most rewarding.
More steps next time. Hopefully this helps some people out there.
thanks
fiona xo
Natz
!!!!!
