Having a pet first and then a child can be harrowing. I know because we had a Maltese X Shitzhu named Hero that we bought one year before we had our first born, Bunny. Hero was gorgeous at 9 weeks old, weighing just 900gm and was a fluffy and helpless and just precious. My Partner, Paul, whinged at the idea of a dog, insisting that our lifestyle would not sustain it and I wouldn't take care of it. You see, I had never had a pet before. For me, having a dog was a practice run for a child and I set my mind to being the best Doggy Mum my puppy could want.
    One of the first things I did was bought the book (Boy do I love an instruction manual!) The Dog Whisperer. I know, it sounds corny, but I had to figure out how to train this creature not to do his business all over our terrace house, not to eat my Jimmy Choo stilettos, or bark every time there was someone on the footpath. Like any overzealous first time parent (of a dog) I enrolled in Puppy school and went along with my crisp $100 note to learn all that I needed to know about dog care. After the first session, I realized that the instructor was reading the same book, The Dog Whisperer, and I could just stay home. I also learned that Dogs, like children, need consistency.
    Dogs are pack animals and descendants of wolves. In every pack, the dominant male wolf sleeps on a higher plain so that he can keep watch over his pack. The dominant female will eat first, and distribute food to her young. A mother wolf places her paw on the back of the pups neck or picks them up in her teeth by the back of the neck if they need to be moved or alerted. A stern "Growl" sound alerts the young of bad behavior or danger. (Strange stuff really....) This Dog Whisperer book broke all of this dog psychology down and explained how to treat your dog so that it knows boundaries and its place in the natural order of the household. With training, Hero grew into a gorgeous dog that is voice command controlled when off the lead and an affectionate loving companion. We kept Hero gated in the kitchen and he had his respective toys, bed and food areas of the kitchen. He never slept on our bed or in our room. Although we loved the little fluff ball, we knew we had to be strict with him or all that training would be for nothing later. The first few nights he would cry when we turned off the lights and went upstairs, but we were patient and he began to feel safe and went to bed without a whimper.
    One year later and one week before we gave birth to my son, nicknamed the Bunny, we moved from the terrace house into a big, open plan 5 bedroom house over 3 levels. The kitchen and living/dining areas were open, and the bedrooms spread across the floors. The house was new to us and new to Hero and we were unsure that if he woke in the middle of the night and needed to do his business that he would know where to go. There was no doggy door and during the day, a sliding glass door to the garden is left open enough for him to come and go as he needs to but we weren't leaving open all night long. The obvious solution to us was to bring Hero's bed into our room and put him on the floor, that way if he woke, I would wake and hear him and take him out and we wouldn't have to worry about soiled carpets.
    Well, that lasted one week, because I woke up on the 8th day, needed an emergency Caesarean (I am sure I spelled that wrong - Freudian slip!) and went to hospital. Due to the prematurity of the birth (6 weeks) my son stayed in hospital for a month and we had time to do the smell/scent awareness thing with Hero. When we finally brought Bunny home, we put him in a Moses basket in our room. We were a bit shaky on the baby front and didn't quite know what to do and what to listen for, so we thought we would start here and eventually wind up with the baby in his room  down the hall. 
    Paul's idea was ok, now that we have the baby in the bedroom, let's put Hero downstairs in the laundry to sleep. BIG NO NO!
    Here's why: Animals are creatures of habit and training. To bring in a small animal (albeit a human baby) and disrupt the pecking order from day one creates jealousy. The aim was to teach Hero that this was a new addition and to get him comfortable with the baby and not jealous. It took conscious work and that silly Dog Whisperer book has a whole chapter on new babies and dogs. For the first 3 months, the baby and the dog, each in their respective beds, all slept in our room. If I had the baby on the lounge, then Hero was allowed on the lounge. I tried to get the two to appear on par and allowed Hero to be a part of the baby's routines. Dogs don't speak the English language but I constantly referred to the baby as Hero's brother, and do even now.
    Part of our Dog training was that the dog should have his own toys, and we respect them and do not touch them. Whatever silly dolls, balls, chew toys, etc. remained on the floor, no tug-o-war games played because that is a dominance challenge. This became important and significant as we defined HERO's TOYs and now BUNNY's TOYs. Hero knows which toys are his, and we don't let the baby pick up any of Hero's playthings. Because we did this from puppy-hood, Hero never chewed anything or defaced any of our property (I know, it sounds crazy but it worked.) Funny enough, we've had nannies and carers for our son over the past 17 months. They tend to live-in. Some of them have not been 'dog people' but promise with hand on heart that they will treat Hero well as we explain that he is our 'first born' and a member of the family.
    If a nanny mistreats Hero, he lets me know. He goes and finds something they have touched, be it a sponge, once a plastic address book, another a rubber thong, and shreds it in a million pieces and leaves it in the middle of the floor for me to find. He would never touch anything of my partner or I's, just something specific to the offending person. (Dogs are very clever.)
    Now that my son is a toddler and walking and running, I see it as the beginning of a beautiful friendship between the two. At about 10 months when Bunny would crawl, he would grab Hero by the ears or fur and tug at him. Hero would take it and we have never had a nip or aggressive bite or growl. The baby is now bigger than the dog,  and we have had to be firm about not letting Hero jump up on the baby when he was just learning to walk. From puppy hood, we created a sharp low, gutteral sounding "uh Uh" (like No No) that we use when the dog is not behaving correctly. There is alot of that now around the house and the baby has also learned it. It's funny.
    The baby is fully trained to sleep in his room, and Hero still sleeps on his bed, in our room, and is not allowed on the bed without an invitation to cuddle. This gesture has let him continue to feel special and treated differently than his brother, who no longer sleeps in our room. Subtle, but effective dog psychology.
    IF you are preparing for a child's arrival and have not yet addressed the dog issue, I would invest in the silly little book and give it some thought. You will fare much better if your dog is trained to a level so that you can trust it around the child. There are a few subtle "wolf pack" tendencies that you can adjust in the way that your dog is treated so that he learns his place and feels safe - they are outlined in the book.
    Dogs provide great companionship for an only child and it was always our intention that the boy and dog would grow up together. Dogs, even full grown dogs, can be retrained and taught a new behavior methodology. It is tough on the owners because you have to be consistent with the training and work with your pet daily while new behavior is being introduced. You local pet store where puppies are sold and vet are great sources of information and can refer you to a dog training class in your area.  If you consciously practice this control tips (we never smack our dog) and demonstrate dominance, you can consistently control your animal. Sending mixed messages is where the dog gets confused and doesn't know his place. Make the dog feel special by setting special play times (while the bub is napping) where the dog is given exclusive cuddles will assure the pet that he or she is still important.   
    Before giving the pet away, try to retrain yourselves and the animal. If the animal is good natured and treated with love and respect there is every chance you can keep your pet, with a new set of rules. 
Best of luck with the extended family!
Stephenie