Read this statement and then think what you kneejerk reaction to it was:
Aim low, achieve your goals and avoid disappointment.
My kneejerk reaction was that to aim low WAS to fail.
I then thought a bit further, and was chatting about it to friends and
thought "what is low?"
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if it is aiming at virtually nothing, it is a waste of talent, letting yourself and your family down, but
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if it is realistic/pragmatic, it stops us from aiming at perfection and feeling we should have done better if only...... and wasting valuable energy regretting something unrealistic.
What do you think?
These are my thoughts, for what they're worth. Sometimes I think it helps us to know we're not the only one who has these challenges! We rarely see what goes on behind the closed doors of others!
I find it so easy to waste time and energy having a pity party thinking what a bad mum I am, when if I used that energy positively, and recognised what I AM good at, I might find the motivation to achieve those REALISTIC goals rather than regret those UNACHIEVABLE ones.
I find among my friends there are two main types of mum - those to whom an orderly clean house is the thing that keeps them working into the early hours, cleaning fingerprints off the patio doors, because having a clean house is more important than sleep. And then there are those like me who are surrounded by mess and try hard not to stress about it as we remind ourselves they're only babies for such a short time.
After all, no-one ever said on their deathbed that they wished they'd spent more time cleaning, did they? (Unless I suppose the grime put them on their deathbed - I don't mean quite that bad, LOL!)
I find it far too easy to think I should be keeping the house cleaner, reading more books with the kids, getting the art things out daily, cooking with my kids every day, visiting friends more, inviting children over more, doing more home cooked meals, growing my own veg more.... the list goes on! But I only have a little energy, and 24 hours just flies by - it's easy to have a day when it's an achievement to have eaten 3 times and got into and out of our day clothes/pajamas!
Comparing myself to "supermums" isnt helpful - we all have our different talents, different support systems, different obsessions, etc! I help out at a Toddler Group on Mondays & Tuesdays and on a recent Monday we had 8 adults and Tuesday we had about 20! Someone commented "it's not every parent who's happy leaving the house in a mess on a Monday morning" - but with me, that's often the REASON I want to get OUT! I know with others, they can't relax until they've cleared up after the weekend.
I myself will go to bed with a mess downstairs as my priority is & always has been to get enough sleep, but about half the women I know can't sleep well if they havent cleared up first, even if it's 2am by the time they crawl into bed! With me, it's important to have a house that I'm not too obsessed by so that I don't stress too much when my DD1 is painting or playdoughing and making a mess - nurturing her talent is more important to me than having a spotless house. I know plenty of parents who leave all the art to Preschool as they're too afraid to let their children make a mess at home & wreck the new cream carpets etc!
As my family all live far away I end up with my kids constantly without a break week after week (except for Preschool) - I havent been away from my baby for longer than 3 hours since she was conceived, and I dont think I've been away from her for longer than half an hour this year at all! Even if I have a migraine, I'm still on duty, especially with a husband who works away quite a bit. Perhaps it's realistic for others to take on more if they can have their mum/sister etc help out a bit - but that's not an option with me.
I hope that by spending time working on my relationship with my girls, and making that a priority while they're young, when they're older they will still want to share their hearts with me, or at least tell me what's really important. It's so easy for kids to get the wrong idea - I don't want them ever to think that the house matters more to me than they do.
So I think I will try to aim realistically low and recognise that I am achieving some of my goals and really, I'm not failing as often as I feel like I am sometimes! Then perhaps I will sleep better!
How about you?
(June 2007) (
