Parenting your child who is… Different

Most of us have a certain idea of what it will be like to have a little girl. Ballet recitals. Fairy wings. Shirley Temple movies. Picking flowers. But what if your little girl is more interested in studying entomology? What if the

At 3am one Sunday morning in May 1996, the midwife handed me my second daughter. All wrinkled up, and a little odd looking. But I loved her to bits. Sophie slept all of that first day, and the next, and the next. We went home on day 5. The nurse who visited us for the first three weeks to check on Sophie's jaundice commented on my perfect child. At three weeks old, I had never actually heard her cry. Even that week when she developed a severe kidney infection she didn't make a sound. The doctors congratulated me on my "content" baby who didn't even whimper after four attempts to insert an IV drip needle. I had been pinching myself just to check that my dream baby was real.

After two years, Sophie had progressed well. She was happy, and somewhat healthy. At around her third birthday we realized that something was… different. She was accident prone. And the accidents she had would often land her in the emergency ward. Yet she would never make a wince. Her vocabulary had not developed beyond basic words. And she didn't seem interested in playing with other children. However, Sophie could complete complicated puzzles and recite every neighbour's number plate in our street. Going shopping with Sophie was great because we could rely on her photographic memory to get us back to our car. On picking her up from kindy one day, an Early Childhood Teacher asked us if we had ever had Sophie assessed by a Psychologist.

The Diagnosises

We were called back to the Psychologist's office. The receptionist handed me a box of tissues, and left me in a meeting room to wait for the results. After a few minutes of small talk about the weather, the word Autism came from someone's mouth. I don't know who said it. But suddenly I was being handed forms and leaflets. Phrases I'd never heard of like – Early intervention, Occupational therapy and government funding, were being said, but I couldn't quite take it all in. I don't know how I got home that day. But I decided that Sophie did not have Autism, and it was all a big mistake.

We saw 9 more Psychologists over 5 more years. Childhood Anxiety Disorder, Depression and Schizophrenia. Dyspraxia. ADHD.  Pervasive Development Disorder. And then Asperger's Syndrome. It sure sounded like Sophie. The obsessions. The intense interests in science and art. The difficulty in forming social relationships, and the strain of getting through general daily tasks like showering, eating and sleeping at night.

As hard as it was to accept, we knew that it was time to help Sophie, so we took her home and looked into Asperger's and what it meant for Sophie and for us. I was still reluctant to label my child with a "disorder" or a "syndrome". To me she was just a very bright little girl.

It wasn't until Sophie showed an interest in science competitions and chess that a light bulb came on in the heads of her teachers. An IQ test confirmed that she was profoundly gifted.

So what to do???

What a huge responsibility. You think that special needs children are those who require extra help with schooling such as teacher's aides. A whole new set of problems crop up when you have to make a decision that could affect your child's life forever. Suddenly, your local public school may not be right for your child, however close and convenient it may be. You start to question the curriculum and whether they can cope with providing that extra support that is required to nurture your child's passion.

After much research, and lots of day trips, we found a Montessori High School who would accept Sophie straight from Year 5 to Year 7. Immediately a huge weight was lifted from the shoulders of the whole family. And Sophie has never been happier. She asked me this morning "Does this mean that there's nothing wrong with me anymore?" I was relieved to finally say  "No Sophie. You are just perfect the way you are"