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 (Highly recommend) (Highly recommend) (Highly recommend) (Highly recommend) (Highly recommend) 4.99 (Highly recommend) from 16 votes (219 Visits)

Saying "No" to children

janicepovey by janicepovey Talking Back(June 2007) (rank 34th)

                   Saying "No" to a child had to be one of the harest  words said.   And even harder for a child to understand and take in.  Because usually if a child asks for something, they normally recieve - so

when the word "No" is said they are confused to "Why Not"

                    I found giving a "Reason or a Explanation" for my response of "No" helped.

e.g.  If the request. was for a snack before a meal; following the word "No" - I would say i don't think that's a good idea as you will fill your tummy and you won't  eat your

        meal ( lunch or dinner). Especially when they were younger and i'm talking toddlers- I would use the snack as a reward for eating their meals.

         ( I know this is off the subject but i use to try and make their meals fun;  sausages or frankfurts; i use to cut up, to make a wooden shack or castle.

          Vegetables; mash potato into a face using  peas & carrots or make a moat around the castle using many vegetables.)

e.g.  I'm sure many mum's have had this happen to them, while shopping for groceries. Your child spots a toy ( using toy as an example). If you mum's are anything like

        i was, finding it hard  stretching the shopping dollar- buying a toy was not an option.

           So my reason for "No" in those cases  they (toys) are for special occasions birthday or xmas and if we were to buy  the toy we wouldn't be able to buy food to eat.

I use to keep a "Wish list" for my children, whenever they spotted something they thought they really wanted - we would write it in their "Wish List" book. Then when a birthday or xmas came around they would be asked which item they really wanted  on their wish list. And nine out of ten times it was something completely different.

But in doing their wish list, i was not ignoring their  " Wants & thoughts", plus i was not actually saying "No" to them but  "Maybe".

 Regards Janice

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cazza
5.00 (Excellent) | November 2007 | cazza
Re: Saying "No" to children
Great advise and we do the Wish list here for there bdays and xmas as well, as my children have being taught that what they want and what they get is too diffrent things,and we dont have a money tree...

and every year there eyes light up with what they have recieved....

xxxx cazza


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emmie
5.00 (Excellent) | October 2007 | emmie
Re: Saying "No" to children

great advice and geat ideas janice

lots of love emz xxxx



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Childcare-by-Design
5.00 (Excellent) | October 2007 | Childcare-by-Design
Re: Saying "No" to children
I like the idea of the book for the wish list. In addition, children are learning it's okay not to satisfy their every need and want immediately.


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janicepovey
5.00 (Excellent) | June 2007 | janicepovey
Re: Saying "No" to children

Some great coments frome each and everyone of you.   Some great ideas Deb, your doing really well with your children.

Yes i do wish i could draw some pictures of what i have done with meals for my children & grandchildren, especially when they were younger- it sure did work and i seldom had them sitting there picking at their food as i'm sure most mums have experienced.

Its so nice you all sharing ideas, because what may work for one, might not work for another parent

But i did love the "Wish List", it did help some times because they could choose the gift they most wanted and many a time thet had forgotten all about what was on the list, and wanted something else. My thought for using it was more for showing them that i was not ignoring their needs and thoughts.

Regards Janice



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Deborahsc2203
5.00 (Excellent) | June 2007 | Deborahsc2203
Re: Saying "No" to children

ive been on the right track i think ,, my older boys want things all the time aghhhhh , what i say to them is that u can work towards it ,, honeworks done ,, assignments etc,, clean room they work towards geeting things when they get ticks for the things they do do ,, it does get a little harder as they get older and more expencive so i say they can also work towards something they want for their birthday etc,,, cause their birthdays in the middle they can work towards it or xmas  presents so it dosent look like they have longer to wait for it also ,,,

because mine are always hungry after school they have their dinner about half an hour after they come home they have a big meal then if they want something later they have eggs or toast etc,,,

how cute of you to make castles out of food ,, your soo creative ill keep that in mind for my two year old ,, thats something i have never thought of what a great idea janice xxx

my two year old loves cars it has been a problem when we go out he wants another one ...

i tell him now before we even go out the door that hes not going to get one today and keep telling him this ,, when he see the cars hes just looks at me i said not today ,,, so far soo good but i do expect the tanties now and then



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      Ngairi
5.00 (Excellent) | June 2007 | Ngairi
Re: Saying

My youngest used to want a new car each time we went to the shops. I eventually started letting him take one of his own and the requests stopped. He just quite happily played with his in the trolley while I did the shopping. Worked a treat.

Leisa



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jd2
5.00 (Excellent) | June 2007 | jd2
Re: Saying "No" to children

Great tips there thanx,

 im already finding teaching him no so hard and he's nine months i guess thats the mummy in me wanting to give him everything to make him happy its hard when there so young and cute..lol I'm getting better I know its for the best...

jo xxx



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Kellzacar
5.00 (Excellent) | June 2007 | Kellzacar
Re: Saying "No" to children
Great advice

I really love the "Wish List" idea  . . .

Cheers Kell


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hermy
5.00 (Excellent) | June 2007 | hermy
Re: Saying "No" to children
great tips Janice......will for sure start a wish list for the babies as they get older....thanks ......regards  Sandra xxx


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yummymummyof3
5.00 (Excellent) | June 2007 | yummymummyof3
Re: Saying "No" to children
I use the maybe answer and I usually find two days later they don't want it but something else, my son is a great one for saying but why mum buy why saying because I said so just does not work and really why should it, I like an explanation why shouldn't he..... Great article x


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August88
5.00 (Excellent) | June 2007 | August88
Re: Saying "No" to children
The wish list sounds good. I chose not to write them down though as there memories are not too long as toddlers. Ha ha. Don't want too long a list by Christmas plus by that time a new thing comes in. Thats why even now it is not today. Even with big kids toys if they wait then you get it cheaper. Everything goes down when it is not in demand. I know, I am so tight. Ha ha


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llmunchkin
5.00 (Excellent) | June 2007 | llmunchkin
Re: Saying "No" to children
The wish list and you reasoning behind it are really fantastic.  I will definitely take this on board in the future, it will be really handy.  I don't even bother to say no to Jay, if he wants a snack, I just say dinner will be soon, you can eat then.  He glares at me, then stomps off and goes about his business.  If he wants to play with something that he shouldn't have, I say this belongs to Mumma, or whoever, it is not for you.  Then I lead him away and show him the choice of things that he can have...  I don't know if it will work, however we are trying to set a precedent for the future.


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      janicepovey
5.00 (Excellent) | June 2007 | janicepovey
Re: Saying "No" to Children.

I think what your doing with Jay,... giving him a choice of things he can have is also a great idea. I think if you give a child a few choices to choose from they will soon forget what they wanted in the first place.

Regards Janice



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           llmunchkin
5.00 (Excellent) | June 2007 | llmunchkin
Re: Saying
Yes, I think he likes it better than the alternative, which is to have nothing and sit in the corner in the hallway for 15seconds, which seems like a lifetime to him LOL.


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crystalmoon
5.00 (Excellent) | June 2007 | crystalmoon
Re: Saying "No" to children
Great tips Regards Crystal


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