Gay Grandparent

I gather this question is more about how to deal with your mum, husband and two children rather than it is about your mother and her partner.

Please remind your husband as well as yourself that God calls us to love the Sinner but not the Sin. Even if something may or may not be acceptable in society, it does not mean that it is right in the eyes of God. This does include spreading dislike and hatred about or amongst Sinners about their sin. Just keep up the praying.

By the way, this question would be more suitable in Q&A or Groups as advice is more about writing advice articles, not asking to receive advice.

Hi there,

I have a close family relative whom after 7 yrs marriage discovered her husband preferred men. Hence they separated and went their own ways but both remained friends for the kids sake. During their marriage they had two lovely girls one of whom has Autism.

These girls have continued to have a relationship with their father and YES they do understand that he is GAY - they accept him for who is is and live a normal and happy lives . . . Children are very very open to differences and tend to accept them way more than us adults. Give your children the chance to accept the situation for what it is . . . Allow them to know their family. You may be surprised . . .

Cheers Kellz

my dads first wife turned out to be gay after mothering 4 children but she was young and this is becoming more acceptable. As your children get older they will at some point come across the term gay and ask although by this time they will have probably picked up on what it means without the details...my siter has 6 kids and my brother 2 so they have been were you are. My advice be open and honest people gossip and its better explained at the right time by you, than some child shouting it out in the playground as they've heard ther mum speak of this...don't let comments and the media as deb said handle this, you must talk to them allow your children to be open one day they may need you and we never know what preference they will take...

good luck i really think honesty is the key....jo xxx 

Hi
I have a friend that has a similar situation. Her little sister discovered she was gay. I have 4 little ones and my friend has 3 boys . She has and is stuggling with how to explain this to her boys. I have just told my children that she has a close friend. For right now they are OK with that answer. We are rasing them Catholic as well. My hubby and I have decided to tell our children that God  just wants you to be a good person and do well by others. As far the partner you choice all we want is for them to be happy. I dont know if that helps. It is  tough but  praying to help find the right answers always seem to help me.
Good luck

I think this is more of a question rather than advice, but not to worry.  You are in an awkward situation with your own issues, understandably and perhaps some professional advice in assisting with some hurdles you need to face wouldn't go astray if you feel you need it. 

As for your children, regardless of their religious beliefs, if they truly are committed to that religion, they would learn to accept people for who they are and not place any significance upon their sexual choices in their judgement of others, whether they are related or not.  As they grow up, you will find that social values and ethics have changed significantly from when we were children.  It is not an uncommon situation any more, although that doesn't make what you need to face right now any easier.  We have close friends with children who have "2 pops".  They are 6 and 4 and starting to ask questions.  The parents are just telling them the truth (without talking about sex of course) that they are good friends living together.  The rest will be explained later as they get older and need to know more later, I guess.

hi,my sister after 12 yrs of marriage and 2 girls later ,her husband told her that he was gay and he now lives with his lover and they have the girls on weekends.The girls are 7 and 5 ,At the moment they do not ask too many questions but as they get older they will wonder why daddy lives and sleeps with a man.As they get older they will be told the truth and I only hope that they do not get teased or treated differently because of their fathers relationship.I would think that unless your children have seen them quite openly showing affection or that they know  that they sleep together your daughters probably dont realize their grandmother is different ,as woman we have many women friends and some older women do live together as friends.I guess the truth as they get older and what they can understand at different ages.Good luck.

                                                                    Cham

I know it came as a shock to you, and perhaps you have not been able to deal with the issues yourself so assume your children can't.  The jealousy in your Mothers relationship could also be there if it was a hetro-sexual partner!

I am catholic and I have always been raised to have respect for others and be non-judgemental of them and their choices.

Are there any organisations (i.e child services, social services or Lesbian organisations) in your home town that can help out with ideas to help your children understand this relationship?

I hope you all manage to work everything out!

Let your mum be happy with a partner that she has chosen. As for your husband worrying that the girls will think this is a normal situation, they will be looking first and foremost at their own parents situation, in this case hetrosexual. So long as the girls aren't seeing any graphic details from their grandmother (which I am sure they are not) they would just see grandma and her best friend. Until they are older, this is probably the best way to explain it if they ask.

I have brought all my children up as Catholic, but they still have tolerance and acceptance for every individual not matter what colour race creed or sexuality.

I would certainly be sitting down with your mother and her partner, and having a rational discussion, and possibly find out from them how they would like their relationship to be presented to the girls.

Hope this helps you out a little. Leisa

ok you are right as this is a hard one, but i do have family who are also going through this too. My cousins mum after 17 years of a realtionship with my uncle decided she was gay. her kids didnot take this well and still 8 years later i think still struggle with it.

i have 1 question to ask you. is your mum happy? if so let her be happy. tell your hubby to leave her sexuallity out of his life. as for your girls tell them that grandma doesnt believe what we do. it doesnt mean she will go to hell or anything, but make sure you dont get your girs hating their grandma.

I have a similar prob with my husband as she is christian and i am a pagan. i dont teach my kids what i believe but i do teach them the christian way of life.

i hope your hubby understands that in todays society you have to put your blinkers up and just get on with life.

Hmmm I won't vote - as I think this is more of a question than advice... You might get more responses by putting it there too.  Never mind though, it is out there now, as is your mum.  I must say, I very much agree with Deb's comment below.  You shouldn't have to worry too much about how you explain it to the girls, for they wouldn't know any difference - love is love, and that's what counts.  It is something that you adults need to discuss together, openly and fairly.  You and your husband need to be respectful of your mother's life choices, she and her partner also need to respect yours.  This can only occur if you try to show more empathy for each other, and don't let it become an argument - keep trying, you only have one mum, and she is the girls grandmother after all.  - Best wishes.

Hi
I have a lot of friends that are in same sex relatoinships
A lot of these do have kids and after the initial shock wears off you would be surprised how the kids accept it.
Tell your children what they need to know for their age group.  As the get older let them know the full truth
Don't try push how you or your husband feels about it onto them as they will feel they have to feel that way too or disrespect you    Remember with more people coming out of the closet  it is a lot more wider "accepted"
Be proud of the fact that your mother had the courage to tell you.  Not hide it and let you find out from someone else .  She is still your mother no matter what and she will know how hard it is for you but you also have to respect that it is her decision.
Children are very adaptable as long as you tell them the truth
As for your future step "mother/father" treat it the same way that you would if she had a opposite sex partner. 
Get them both together and tell them how you feel.  The key is together.  She may feel competition the same way a man would. 

As for the religious side of it are you highly religious or just worried about what others think..  If your family is a practicing catholic family then it is a lot harder but as for bringing the kids up catholic there is a lot more in the media and elsewhere to worry about them finding out
that it is wrong by the bible and church standards.
I feel for you as it is a hard thing to have to deal with but it is all a lot more open nowadays. 
This is all just from my experiences with same sex couples and children.  It may be totally different in your situation.  I can only offer what I know. 
Hugs and prayers for you and guidance in your decisions

Luv Deb