Mantras for Mamas (and Dads!)

When I was the mother of newborns, I used to put mantras on sticky notes and post them on my fridge. Here’s some keepers that I still pass on at baby showers.

 I Can’t Spoil a Baby. Sure, you can make bedtime harder or nurse

If Mama Ain’t Happy Ain’t Nobody Happy. It does’t hurt your children if you take care of yourself – it helps them. So go ahead, put junior in the pac-n-play with some measuring cups, slide him in front of the bathroom door and take a shower. In fact, you can even take the time to shave your legs. Now take a few breaths before you step out into your biggest fluffiest towel. I promise, everyone will feel just a little bit better.

My Baby Will Tell Me What S/he Needs. When my first daughter was born I was terrified that I wouldn’t understand her cues and cries. But eventually, I got it down, and so will you. Your baby will let you know when s/he needs to nurse/sleep/be held and you’ll learn to interpret baby cues soon enough. If you’re having a hard time deciphering the cry vocabulary, ask and experienced parent to listen in (and watch) for clues. I remember sitting with my girlfriend Susan, shortly after my godson Berto was born. He was crying and turning his head to nurse and I said, “I can’t believe I didn’t know what that meant!” But when Eden was an infant I was really lost. Getting help doesn’t mean you’re failing as a parent – it means you’re one Smart Mama/Dada!

I Can Trust My Instincts. After I had Eden, three nurses told me three different things about nursing, how to get the baby to latch, and how often to nurse. When my midwife came to check on me I sobbed, “I just want to know what to do.” She patted my arm and said kindly, “Welcome to motherhood kiddo.” You’ll get, hear, and read a lot of advice about infancy, but ultimately your instincts will tell you what’s best for your unique parent/child combo. Can’t tell what your instincts are? Ask yourself, "What would I feel best about doing?", then follow your first response.

This Too Shall Pass. This is the one sticky note mantra that I still keep up on the fridge – even though Eden and Cate are now 9 and 7 years old! Children tend to outgrow every difficult stage. Whether it’s a spat of suddenly not sleeping through the night, or the “I don’t have enough words to tell you what I want so I’m gonna scream” stage – this too will pass! I remember when my children were infants any especially difficult stage seemed to pass in 3-6 weeks. As the kids got older some of the stages passed more quickly, while others held on longer. But with time, patience, and learning on my part and on the kid’s part, things do tend to get better.

Time Will Make Me An Expert. My father always says, “The problem with parents is that we’re all amateurs.” But as each age and stage passes you’ll get more experience and know how under your belt. No one is a better expert on your kid that you.