Hints for communicating with your child’s school

As a teacher, I would like to make a few comments about communication with schools.   Any school worth its salt welcomes parental involvement. Who else knows your child better? Teachers only see your children for a fraction of their day, for a fraction of their lives. As children enter high school, they see more teachers for less time each. It’s the child’s family who know them best.  

I have had many phone calls, interviews, emails and letters exchanged with parents during my time. These have ranged from positive and productive to degrading and negative. I would like to offer a few suggestions to ensure that you achieve the best result for your child.  

Firstly, many schools have a barbecue or similar at the beginning of the year for parents to meet staff and each other. You should make an effort to attend these. They are a great chance to form relationships with your child’s teacher(s) and let them know about any concerns or issues you may have. It’s also a great opportunity to meet other parents at the school, especially if you are new to the area.  

Secondly, approach any communications with your child’s school in a positive and respectful manner. Whilst this may seem obvious, I have lost count of the number of times I have been shouted at, verbally abused, patronised or sworn at by angry and concerned parents. I appreciate that parents are concerned about their child’s well being, however rudeness and disrespectful behaviour are not the foundations of a positive relationship with your child’s teacher.  

Further to this, remember that at times the version of the story which your child tells you may not be the full account. Yes, another child may have said “you’re no good at maths – you’re just stupid and ugly’. However, your child may have said something equally as offensive to other children. This does not excuse the other child's comment, but it may put it into context for you. Alternatively, your child may tell you that the teacher never explains what he/she needs to do for homework. A calm and rational conversation may reveal that your child is not paying attention when instructions are given.  

Of course, if you are concerned about something your child has told you happened at school, you should follow it up with his/her teacher. However, a polite ‘James said that *** happened yesterday, I just wanted to discuss what happened with you’ is going to yield better results for your child than accusations. An example is ‘I’m very angry with you Mrs Smith; Sarah told me about how you kept her in for not being smart enough and I’m appalled that you would treat her like that’ when actually the teacher had wanted to go over the work for ten minutes at the beginning of lunch which your child missed because she was chatting instead of doing the set task. A calm and polite approach will give both parties a chance to get an understanding of what happened and how everyone can move forward.  

Thirdly, let your child’s teacher(s) know if there are any issues in your child’s life of which they need to be aware. The school doesn’t even need to be aware of details if you don’t wish to share. A simple 'there's been a few issues at home, Hannah's a little fragile at the moment" is usually enough for teachers. If teachers aren’t aware that there have been changes in your little one’s life, they will be unable to be sensitive to any specific needs your child has. Whilst there are no excuses for disrespectful, rude or offensive behaviour, it helps when everyone is on the same page.  

Fourthly, make sure that you focus on achieving the best outcome for your child in the future. Nitpicking about what happened in the past only stressed and upsets you, your child’s teacher and your child. Your family should work together with your child and his/ her teacher(s) to make sure that all issues are understood and that strategies have been developed with will help your child to grow, mature and learn.  

Finally, remember your child’s teacher(s) want the same thing as you – the best for your child. When you and your child’s teacher(s) have positive relationships based on achieving this, everyone benefits, especially the person who matters most – your child.

For more advice on schools and children's learning go to www.makemathseasier.com/index.html