My successful VBAC of Brianna Jane – 1st October, 2002 As I sit at my computer, 8 weeks after my successful VBAC birth of my second child, Brianna Jane, I wonder how I can even put this truly remarkable experience into words. My first child, Taylor Christopher, was born
by emergency caesarean due to fetal distress 8 years ago. I have never been truly convinced that all my options were exhausted and that the casesarean was necessary. An internal examination in theatre showed that I had dilated to 9cm, which my caring midwife informed me of the day after birthing Taylor. I could tell she felt sad for me and she told me that she thought my obstetrician had made the wrong choice by not letting me attempt a vaginal birth. I wonder to this day why my obstetrician never told me how far I’d dilated to. I was always told 4cm at every internal over a period of 8 hours. However, from the final internal to the caesarean it was only a matter of hours. I wonder if it would be easier to accept my casearean birth if I’d never found out about how far my cervix had dilated to. I’ve since received documentation saying the caesarean was actually performed due to failure to progress which has made me perhaps even more bitter and confused about my first birthing experience. To be classified as a "failure" is very insulting to me and I just had to prove that my body could birth naturally. My caesarean birth was a beautiful experience, but I knew I just had to birth my next child vaginally and knew my body could birth this way. I was determined to get something back that was lost within myself after Taylor’s birth. I do not know what was lost, and today, after birthing vaginally I still do not know what it was. I am proud of both my birthing experiences and comfortable with sharing them openly with people since achieving my VBAC birth. I don’t cringe and clamp up when hearing other people’s successful natural birth stories. I feel almost privileged to have birthed in two totally different ways now and both are accepting ways to me. It took me a long time to build up the courage to fall pregnant again. It did take us a while to actually fall pregnant too after deciding that we would like to have another child. I think all up I was not taking contraception for 5 years, but really, it took about 1 1/2 years of really trying hard to fall pregnant that I actually did. It was approximately 7 years after Taylor’s birth and during this pregnancy I was determined to give it my best shot at a vaginal birth. I left my very stressful job as soon as I found out I was pregnant and decided to contract my work as a Graphic Designer. This way I could work when I wanted and focus on my upcoming birth. I attended support group meetings with CARES, read books on other women’s VBAC experiences, books on pregnancy and birth, attended antenal yoga classes, swimming classes, walked up to 5km a day throughout my entire pregnancy and generally kept focused on achieving what I wanted. I was very confused at first. I did not know where to go for help and guidance so I surfed the Internet and found the wonderful organisation called CARES. I immediately rang Carolyn who invited me to a support meeting at her home on a Wednesday evening. There were a couple of women about to birth who gave me the courage and determination that a VBAC was achievable. They hadn’t birthed yet (both had successful VBAC births however), but were about too and I could see the strength and focus within them. Just being around women who had done it and listening to their stories inspired me and gave me courage. At the support meeting, my first few questions were answered. I knew I needed to speak to an independent midwife and go through the public system in a birthing unit set-up. I wasn’t keen on going to a public hospital as I had private health cover, however, it did turn out to be right for me. I felt "in control" at every antenatal check-up with the hospital (mind you I only went there 3 times) and with Roz when she came to visit me in my home. This kind of care was working for me and made me feel so powerful. With Taylor’s pregnancy, using the care of a private obstetrician was the total opposite. We did not receive that personal, loving care as we did with using an independent midwife. By using the private care I felt I was not allowed to make choices, I was being told what to do all the time and I didn’t like that. I felt almost inferior. I got to know my body so well throughout this pregnancy, when it came to birthing, I decided I’d try for a home birth. Some people believe my main goal was to have a home birth and maybe that was the impression I gave, but it wasn’t. My goal was to achieve a vaginal birth, with or without drugs, at home or the hospital. Even the assistance of forceps or even a ventouse didn’t bother me. As long as my baby came out of my vagina. I knew I wasn’t going to be a hero if I couldn’t keep going without pain relief and never ruled out this option. I had previous experience with pain relief during Taylor’s birth, so I knew what choices to make and what to avoid. I felt positive when I decided to go to the hospital for pain relief. I knew I had to look in control when I arrived there also. One amazing thing about my birth that really blows me away is that my subconscious knew when I would go into labour. I told my husband on the Saturday, that the following day my body was going to start the process of birthing our baby. It was actually 10 minutes into the Monday, but I guess that’s proof of how well I knew my body and what contributed to my positive attitude throughout my labour. I never lost focus (well, maybe for a couple of moments when I was in the hospital after 33 hours of labour), but I had the right support around me and the staff at the hospital were also very supportive of what I wanted. Anyway, I guess you’re just dying to hear about the birth of my second child, Brianna Jane. This is my recollection of my VBAC birth 8 weeks to the day.
I awoke at 12.10am with contractions. I knew it was the "real thing" as I’d had pre labour every second night for 1 week prior to Brianna’s birth and it was not the same kind of feeling. The pre labour was deep inside my vagina, but this was tightenings across my belly, which actually took my breath away. It was that period ache as women describe, but worse. In the early stages, I remember surfing the Internet and reading other women’s stories about VBAC births. I think I even emailed Carolyn from CARES just to let her know what was going on. She must have been excited reading that. I guess she was the first person to find out I was in labour, as I didn’t wake Chris till the morning. I told him he wasn’t going to work that day, that I needed him home. It was very exciting, my body had gone into natural labour. I was induced with Taylor so this was an achievement in itself. At around 7am I think Chris started to panic and quickly rang Roz. I kept telling him I was okay and I didn’t want to bother her, but he felt she needed to know as I’d been up all night and was starting to be become vocal through my contractions. I’d read in a book called Spiritual Midwifery that making primal sounds also helps the women through labour and for me it did. I felt comfortable with being vocal and it helped me focus. I don’t think Taylor liked it though. Every time I’d start, he’d stick his fingers in his ears, which really bothered me. I remember Chris taking me for a walk to the shops to get some finger buns for morning tea which I had a craving for towards the end of my pregnancy. We had to stop at the local library, as I was desperate for the toilet. While in the toilet, just as I’d predicted, along came a contraction. I had to hold in the vocal noise, which I really didn’t want to do as this made the contractions worse. We started walking towards the local shops and another came. They seemed so close together, but I was not timing them as I knew it was still very early and a gut feeling told me this was going to go for quite some time. We arrived at the shops and Chris went in to get our morning tea. As I was waiting outside for him, another contraction came and along with it a local friend we new came walking towards me. I could see Chris coming out of the shops and hoped he would not see our friend as I knew when Chris starts chatting to someone, it seems to go on forever. As our friend didn’t notice me, I decided to bolt out of the carpark and walk down the street. My strategy worked. Chris walked straight past Ralph and followed me up the street. The power of a labouring woman.
We arrived home and ate our morning tea. Taylor stayed in his room, with his door shut, playing his Playstation. I’m sure my primal sounds bothered him, however, he said that they didn’t. I gave him a cuddle and reassured him this is what Mummy needs to do to birth our baby into the world. I told him they didn’t hurt (which of course anyone who has birthed knows that they hurt like hell), that Mummy loved him dearly and it wouldn’t be long till we met our newest addition. I also asked him if he was comfortable with what was happening or if he wanted to leave and he said he was fine, he just didn’t like the noise. The next thing I remember was being out on the back lawn, lying down with my two Rhodesian Ridgeback dogs, Ruby and Porsche. It was a beautiful sunny day and we were lying next to the pond where my Budda sits. I don’t know, but maybe I was hoping Budda would help me through this. It was still bearable at this stage and I felt I was coping quite well and breathing through my contractions helped. I then decided it was time for lunch so I prepared pumpkin soup for us all to eat. This was one of the foods I had decided to eat during labour to keep me going and I had my pumpkins fresh from the markets ready to go. I made the soup (well actually it was more like baby food as I forgot to put in the milk in), and ate up. Taylor and I ate together outside while Chris was whipper snippering the front lawn. I remember Taylor sticking his fingers in his ears while I was having a contraction and it was then that I knew Taylor had to go. I couldn't focus on the birth with this distraction even though he kept saying he was fine. I walked out to get Chris to call his Mum who we had prearranged to take Taylor while I was in labour. She was not home so we decided it best to call my Mum, even though I did not want her to know I was in labour. After all this, I don’t think Chris ate his pumpkin soup as it was still in the fridge when I got home from the hospital. No wonder he was hungry at dinner time. My Mum and my sister Lucy arrived some time later to pick up Taylor. Just as they arrived, I had another contraction. It was actually nice to have a contraction in front of them both and see both of their eyes light up, especially Lucy’s. They knew it wouldn’t be long and we would all meet our new sister, grand daughter and niece. It was also reassuring to receive a cuddle from Mum. I felt some sort of positive power and vibe come through me when we cuddled. Mum knew and kept saying to me throughout my pregnancy that I would birth vaginally. She could see the determination in me. I guess parents really do know their children more than children think.
Chris and I decided it was time to go for another walk. While we were about 10 minutes into our walk, I suddenly wished I’d never started. I knew I had to keep walking, but the contractions were getting closer and stronger and the walk seemed to take forever. I didn’t want to be walking, I wanted to be home. However, I’m glad we were walking. I had this thing in my head about finding a coin and saying the little phrase "see a penny, pick it up, all the day you’ll have good luck". I did find a 5 cent piece and it stayed with me and I believe it did bring me luck. I still have it to this day and have put it in with my birthing momentos. We finally arrived home and Chris suggested I have a shower. It felt good with the warm watering trickling over my back. I still felt very focused and comfortable with my labour. It was nice to be at home with Chris, just letting nature take its course. Chris was such a wonderful support person for me and he did exactly as I asked him to do, which was not fuss over me. He just kept doing his thing, leaving me to focus on birthing our baby the way I wanted. He came when I wanted him, cuddled me, rubbed my back, held my hand, gave me reassuring words at all the right times, suggested we try different positions and was just wonderful. I couldn’t have done it without him. Everything was going beautifully. I know Roz rang at some stage in the afternoon, I think around 3.30pm, just to see how we were progressing, but I wasn’t ready for Roz yet. I was happy to keep labouring at home without her support. I was totally enjoying it being just the two of us and I was still coping well. It then got to around 7pm and Chris decided to cook dinner. He for some reason decided on spaghetti bolognaise which I new was too heavy for me to eat while labouring and really didn’t feel like it, but I didn’t say anything. He cooked it, served it up to me, I had a mouthful and said "sorry, but I’m not hungry". I think I was being polite. He was being so wonderful I didn’t want to start hacking on him. I instead cut up some strawberries for myself. I then needed the toilet as I felt something in my pants quite damp. I soon discovered my mucus plug had come away and I was just ecstatic. I became really excited knowing my body does work and this was definitely labour (which I had known all along). It felt good to know my body doesn’t need medical intervention to birth babies. We immediately rang Roz as this was what we discussed with her at our last antenatal check-up. We were watching TV (well rather Chris was watching, I was focusing), when Roz arrived. I had always referred to Chris as my Strength and Roz as my Guardian Angel. I still remember Roz walking through that door and her smiling at me. I still felt it was too early for her to be there, but she needed to be around since I’d lost my mucus plug. I guess this was the only thing in my labour I had no say in. I never felt rushed or time limited with Roz. I felt safe when she arrived. She did a wonderful job of just observing and listening to me waffle on about who knows what.
Mum arrived around 10pm to collect Taylor’s things. Once again, it was just nice for her to pop in and see her daughter at work. Her smile was nice and reassuring. She looked excited too. With Taylor’s labour, everyone looked so worried and concerned the whole time. I don’t remember anyone smiling at me. The next thing I remember is being in the shower and the pain shifting to my lower back. It was about 1am and the pain was just dreadful. I knew my baby was not posterior, but this pain was excruciating and was not like I had been experiencing. Roz could tell something was bothering me because I kept putting my left hand on my lower back at the start of a contraction. She asked if I wanted to be rubbed, and tried to rub my lower back, but I just flicked her hand away. I did not want to be touched at all. My hand knew how to touch the area. I had this same lower back pain problem with Taylor’s labour. I started to lose control at this point, so we moved from the bathroom to the lounge (with the bath filling up). Roz and Chris refocussed me (thank you both) and we continued labouring. I hopped in the bath when it was full and kept alternating from the bath to the running water from the shower. I couldn’t focus on breathing now as that damn back pain continued. My primal sounds started turning to what I call "sounds of pain" and I think everyone could sense I wasn’t coping. They continued supporting me and helping me through for a few more hours until I’d had enough. I was doing so well until the pain went to my back. I said straight after the birth that I never felt anything in the front, but I did. I think the back pain took over so much it made me forget about it. I couldn’t do any visualisation or breathing with this type of pain. I remember going to the toilet at 4am, then running back to Chris in tears begging him to take me to the hospital for pain relief as I could not cope with this back labour any longer. The back pain was very uncomfortable and I couldn’t focus. I knew I needed to rest. Roz tried talking to us about our options which I can’t quite remember too well (sorry Roz), but Chris could sense I’d had enough. I was not scared of going to the hospital at this point. I’d been in labour for 29 hours and knew I needed pain relief. Roz did an internal finding me to be 5cm dilated, checked the baby’s heart rate which was fine, then we all rushed around getting my things together because I had not even packed my hospital bag yet. We eventually got organised which seemed like forever and made our way to the hospital. On our arrival I felt comfortable with what I was doing. During my pregnancy, Chris and I had gone to the hospital to check out the birthing unit and labour wards, just in case we needed them. We both felt very uncomfortable when we did, but when I entered the labour wards when I was in labour I knew I was doing the right. I took a deep breath before I stepped out of the elevator and put on a very brave face. I knew from this point on I had to stay focused and it was my body that was going to birth this baby. I was still determined to do it "my way", not there way. We went to the labour ward as I’d decided prior to leaving home that I wanted an epidural. We did all the routine tests and prepared for the anaesthetist who came along shortly after to give me my long awaited epidural. The anaesthetist arrived and kept asking me if this was really what I wanted as he thought I was doing so well. (My primal sounds had been left outside the hospital.) I reassured him that yes, this was what I wanted, still feeling confident and powerful. It was 6am on the Tuesday morning when the epidural kicked in. At last I could rest, and so could Chris and Roz. We all needed to rest as it had been a long night. I remember chatting to Roz quite a lot, but about what I do not know. I think I was trying my hardest not to look at that electronic fetal monitor as with Taylor’s labour, I focused hard on it. I asked them to turn it down also, I did not need to hear my baby’s heart beating. I knew everything was fine. The sun had come up and I remember feeling something go pop and asked the midwife to check and yes, my waters had broke. This made me feel good once again, just knowing that everything was working well. My baby was fine and my body was still labouring nicely while the epidural was allowing me to rest. However, I must say I found it hard to actually fall asleep in the hospital with the epidural. I know I dozed on and off for quite some time. I kept having people checking my pulse, which I tried not to let bother me. I just kept resting. I managed to get 1 hour sleep before I birthed my little girl. At some stage there was a change of midwife and I remember asking the midwife if she had children herself. She didn’t and this concerned me. I can’t understand how women who have never birthed themselves can actually support a labouring woman as they really don’t know what they are going through. This new midwife decided to change the EFM, and to my surprise, with the new EFM, our babies heart rate dropped. Hhhhmmm … never trust man made machines. They eventually discovered it was the power cord and we had the EFM up and running with the babies heart rate reading accurately with no signs of fetal distress. Another dilemma came up with this new midwife. She felt my belly and decided to question us about the positioning of the baby. She thought the baby was lying breech. It was now I wanted to get up and walk out of the hospital. I was not happy about her call at all and I could see Roz’s jaw drop to the ground also. I told her my baby was not breech and she can get another opinion. I knew the positioning of my baby and how dare she even say that while I’m a labouring woman. My baby had not flipped inside, I would’ve felt it. I even told her she could do an ultrasound before making that ridiculous call.
At 8am the registrar came in to see how things were going and did an internal. She felt the positioning of the baby and confirmed that it was in the correct position for birthing. The baby was fine and I became calm and relaxed again. There was discrepancy about how far dilated I was. The registrar said I was 6cm, but when I’d arrived at the hospital some 3 1/2 hours prior, I was 5cm. That meant I’d only dilated 1cm in all that time. I was devastated. The registrar and Roz started having discussion about my dilation and I started to worry. I felt Roz being put on the spot and didn’t like what I was seeing. The same thing happened when I was labouring with Taylor. I knew I didn’t trust the registrar’s internal examination results as they only pop in and out of the room at crucial times. It’s the midwives who are more experienced in my opinion. It was from then on that I started to lose my focus. I was sure another caesarean was on the cards and I started to become emotional. Everyone kept reassuring me that we had choices to make and I had plenty more options and plenty more time on my hands. I started to feel "time limited" again and I didn’t like that feeling. We all rested and at 10am the registrar returned just to see how things were progressing. Another internal showed I hadn’t dilated any further and my contractions had slowed down to 7 minutes apart. Apparently this is the norm for epidurals so the option of using some syntocin was brought up. I was concerned about fetal distress at this point, and subconsciously another caesarean birth. The registrar reassured me that it was not hospital policy to just perform caesarean’s unecessarily as no one likes to perform them. She also reassured me I had plenty of time and promised me that if I used the syntocin, I would deliver my baby by 1pm vaginally. We had Aurianne Webber come up and chat to me as I needed to be reassured by someone else I had faith in. I’d dealt with Aurianne at my antenatal visits at the hospital and trusted her. I thought of Roz as a friend from here on in rather than my midwife. I also wanted them to ask Dr Sue Kennedy-Andrews who was the Obstetrician at the QEH that I’d had by consultation with at 36 weeks if this was the right thing to do and she agreed that it was. She was very for active birth and had a real positive attitude toward VBAC births. As the syntocin was being set up, I could hear Roz and Aurianne chatting in the hall. That made me feel good, the two women I’d trusted the most with all my medical and professional advice talking outside my door. I wonder what they were chatting about though. When Roz returned, I burst into tears and explained to Chris and her that if I ended up with another caesarean, I would need a lot of support. I could feel everything I’d worked so damn hard for over the past 41 weeks slipping away. Roz offered me that wonderful Rescue Remedy and both Roz and Chris kept reminding me I still had plenty of time. My options were not exhausted yet. I think it was exhaustion setting in and my mind was not focussing.
It was 11am when I finally dropped off to sleep. I was hungry and tired and I’d been labouring now for some 35 hours. I’m sure this sleep gave me that burst of energy when it came to birthing Brianna. I woke up at 12 noon as I heard Roz and the hospital midwife chatting about my contractions. They were still quite slow, 7 minutes apart and the syntocin drip had been in for 1 hour. Roz and the midwife assured me that it takes 1 hour for the syntocin to kick in. After about 5 minutes of me being awake, my contractions came closer together and the registrar returned just to check progress. She did an internal and "pop", my waters fully exploded on her. I found this quite funny and think I actually giggled to myself. She said yes, I was dilated to 10cm and I was ready to birth my baby. Just as she’d said, I’d birth my baby into the world by 1pm. How did she know? I became excited and so proud that I was about to birth my baby vaginally. If I needed any assistance, that did not bother me, but I knew my baby was coming out of my vagina. I could feel the epidural easing off and I could feel the commencement of each contraction and this enormous pressure in my bottom. I became very excited. Chris and Roz had a sparkle in their eyes. Neither of them doubted me throughout my whole labour. What a wonderful support team I had. It’s amazing how throughout my whole pregnancy and labour no-one ever mentioned the word caesarean to me. I was the one always talking about it. I had to prepare myself for this outcome, but I know I didn’t. I was too focused on vaginal birth. At this point I wanted to call my Mum and share this moment with her also, but I knew she wouldn’t make it in time so I didn’t mention it to anyone. By the time everyone had gotten ready with the crib for baby, the mirror for me to watch, adjusted the bed and whatever else they were doing, it was 12.40pm. We were ready to start pushing. I asked for assistance in how to push, and Roz reminded me about deep pushing through to my bottom. The registrar was sitting in a chair just watching. I think her sitting there is the reason why I pushed my baby out so quickly. I was still determined to do it my way and suddenly I didn’t want forceps or ventouse delivery. I knew I could do it. I felt so strong, like the incredible hulk (this is what I said to Roz after I’d birthed – midwifes must hear some funny things!). I think in all it was about 6 contractions of pushing and she was out. I had birthed my baby at 12.50pm, 10 minutes short of 1pm which is the time the registrar said I would birth my baby. WOW! What a totally out of this world experience. There is nothing quite like birthing a baby vaginally and now I know what other women who have done it feel like. Chris was so proud of me too, just like I’m proud of him. He had a big job supporting me throughout the whole pregnancy and labour. I was doing it for him too. He needed to see what it was like for me to birth our baby the way I wanted. I don’t think our relationship would have been quite as strong as it is now had another caesarean been necessary. I strongly believe it would have ruined me.
After my whole experience, I have come to accept that my first caesarean was necessary for the safety of the baby. It really doesn’t matter how you birth as long as the woman is given the fullest opportunity. This is the only hang-up I have about Taylor’s birth and it’s only since birthing Brianna that I have realised this. I don’t believe I was given the fullest opportunity or all the necessary options were exhausted. My caesarean was necessary as there was fetal distress. Brianna was a much stronger baby in uterus. I think that came down to my fitness levels. You do need to be fit, healthy and mentally prepared for a natural birth. I feel privileged to have birthed both my children two different ways and love them both equally. I do not blame Taylor for the way his birth turned out. Since Brianna’s birth, I can proudly say I love myself again as a person and I can look at my caesarean scar with pride.
My birth story has been published in a book which contains collections of women's experiences who choose to birth with Independent Midwives. It is not solely about VBACS. The book is titled "Having a Great Birth in Australia", edited by David Vernon. I hope my birth story is an inspiration to women who are perhaps choosing to attempt a VBAC. It is possible. Women need to believe in themselves, trust their body and most of all, trust their birthing team .... 
(June 2007) (
