I am 56 and have seen and learned quite a bit during my lifetime. I've managed to raise a beautiful daughter who is married to a beautiful man and they are expecting their first child. I also have a boy who has Down syndrome. Just thought I'd share some things I
have learned about behavioural disorders. Unnacceptable behaviour can be due to a few things. I have had a constant uphill battle getting to the bottom of some issues with my own son and I really think I have acquired some knowledge which may be of help to some people out there. I write for the Down syndrome society as well as co-ordinate and edit the magazine for them. There is a lot of topics discussed in it, and behaviour is often the subject. In most instances, it's the boys with the problems. Not so much because they are naughty, but because boys 'don't hear'. They have tunnel vision. Boys only hear roughly 5 words per sentence. If a boy is told to do something, it should be put clearly and simply. The other thing is routine. Boys need routine. That gets them in the mode for becoming a man. A man is different to a woman. A man focuses on one thing at a time. Women focus on 20. (If you know what I mean). Men are problem solvers. So are boys. If something is not working to their satisfaction, you'll get a reaction...even if he's 40 let alone 4 or 5. The best thing to do is not to react negatively to his reaction. It just fuels the fire. Remaining calm (if only on the inside) and trying to outsmart them is what works for me. I practice reverse psychology, whenever I can. Boys (and men) need to be needed. They love to help. Let them help with something 'important'. It makes them feel useful. Say something like, I can't manage this on my own. Maybe you can help me? Then when the job is accomplished, say something like, "Oh wow! That's fantastic! I couldn't have done it without you. Thanks!" Then give a great big appreciative hug, because boys love hugs and kisses even more than girls. (You'll never hear a female say, "I need someone to keep me warm," on a dating site! Boys are just little men, and vice versa, and if we remember this, we can beat them at their own game.) Food is another important factor to look at. Grains, fruits, etc., or red and green cordial. These last 2 thngs are sure fire things to trigger ADD type behaviour (or tantrums) if the child has an allergy to colour in cordial. (Or any food, for that matter). Usually the preservative numbers on the packet that start with 6 in crackers, can be culprits too. To calm down this sort of behaviour, including restlessness, sleeplessness, nervousness, etc., fish oil (which must be taken with vitamin E to be absorbed) is of great help as is magnesium. The other thing which triggers ADD behaviour is an auto-immume deficiency. Astragalus (the root of, not the leaf) is absolutely undeniably the best tonic in the world. It cures everything from croup to fungal infections. It comes in liquid form, is an antifungal, antibacterial and an antibiotic. It's all natural. It creates T cells in the body which train up other T cells. These cells prevent the body from attacking itself. It sounds strange, but that's exactly what happens. Rheumatoid Arthritis is caused from a poorly functioning immune system which is attacking good cells instead of bad ones. It's similar to bombing a city, but imagine that the city is your body getting bombed by itself with no soldiers to stop it. That's where the T cells come in. They prevent that. So in a nutshell:-
1. Test for allergies - wheat is known for lowering the immune system and some people can't tolerate any of the grains at all. Only corn.
2. Establish and maintain a good routine, making time to include your child in activities, like helping with the shopping, or something grown up. Praise the child for such good help.
3. Have constructive activity to do after dinner, preferably one you can join in. Even if it's just half an hour.
3. If a child behaves in an unacceptable manner, always come down to the child's level, get the child to look at you and let the child know that the behaviour is unacceptable, all the while maintaining eye contact.
4. Put the child in a spot (make one if necessary) like a naughty chair or similar, and leave them there for the 4 minutes if the child is 4, or 5 minutes if the child is 5, etc. Make sure he knows why he is on the chair, (or wherever). Tell him he is to sit there and think about why he's there. Don't look at him. If he gets up, CALMLY put him back. Treat any unacceptable behaviour with a calm positive attitude, reinforcing that the behaviour is not acceptable. Once he's in and STAYS in the chair, (or on a cushion on the floor, or whatever you make as the naughty spot) wait the 4 or 5 minutes, then go back and ask him if he's had a think about why he is there and ask him "Do you know why you were sent to the naughty chair?" Get him to explain it back to you, so that you know he understand why he's there. If he is ready to say sorry, then let him say it, then have a kiss and a cuddle and get on with whatever you were doing together. (Till next time). LOL. After awhile it will work. Just don't give up putting him on the chair whenever he's behaving inappropriately. Consistency is the key.
5. Get some vitamins. Melrose fish oil with vitamin E, Calcium ascorbate (NOT ascorbic acid), magnesium, Astragalus. Make certain it is taken regularly, otherwise you will be wasting your time and your money.
6. Always be clear with any instruction, keeping it simple. We don't need to be Hitler, but we need to be firm. This gets respect. Never let your child wear you down. That destroys respect.
7. Above all, show interest in what your child has to say, does, accomplishes, and always praise the smallest effort. Children thrive on praise. Many bad moods in my home have been turned into a laughing session. I just pull the same face as I see, or say, "Oh no, don't tell me! It's a ..... and make up something that's really silly. I pull excellent facials too and kids respond positively to comedy. That's why there are clowns. I am a great clown these days! Love is the ultimate gift you can give a child. Sometimes we just get too ahead of ourselves to remember some simple golden rules. Learn not to panic. We can't change the past but whatever we do from here on will impact on the future. Anything can be turned around for the good, if you catch it at the right moment.
(July 2007) (
...
