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 (Highly recommend) (Highly recommend) (Highly recommend) (Highly recommend) (Highly recommend) 4.78 (Highly recommend) from 12 votes (595 Visits)

Becoming a step parent .

emmie by emmie Talking Back(July 2007) (rank 26th)

Ive been a step - mum for 3 and a hakf years now , i cant say its been easy because bringing up any child isnt easy , but i can definatly say it was worth it , ok if you have not got your own child the motherly bond

is not ALWAYS there , and its exactly the same if you have got a child of your own .

Sometimes step parenting can be hard and you sometimes simular things will be going round you head

Why do i bother?

Am i doing the right thing?

I will never become a good mum / dad to this child?

Can i do this

Will he/she grow up hating me?

Will the child think ive drove mummy and daddy apart?

etc

But you can beat the bad times and its usually more good timeas to bad times , it does get easier by that i dont mean that bringing up another persons child is easy because its not and sometimes it can be very stressful and can effect you emotionally from time to time. I have both a step daughter and a daughter who i love both dearly , Sometimes i feel my love for my daughter is stronger than my love for my step daughter but after alll its normal . For a long time i let it get to me that i was a bad person for having more feelings for my daughter than to my step daughter but after a little while i realised im not bad ive done nothing wrong , ive taken on somebody elses child i have supported them , i was there when she needed me , i was there when she was hurt , i was there when  she wanted a kiss/ cuddle or some loving , i was there when she needed to get something off her chest , no matter the problem your there what reason will this child have to hate you they wont they will cherish you and respect you for it .

For those of you that are thinking of becoming a step parent and are doubting it DONT stop and think what really is for the best for both you and the child , i doubted it and wish i never i lost a very special time in my step daughters life and regret every day i was away , as having any child you have the good times and the bad but you make it more good times and be happy with your step family i never regret taking my step daughter on and never will it was the best thing i ever done .

Sometimes a child will want answers , either from yourself if they trust you enough or they will go to their natural parent , my advice there is dont lye to them dont let them think badly of theother parent as they will only hold it against you and thats something you dont want just tell them the truth in the nicest possible way

Those of you who are already step parents i take my hat off to you , keep it up and remember its all worth all the work

I wish you all all the best .

Emz

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DifficultChild
July 8th | DifficultChild
Re: Becoming a step parent .


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superpo
November 2008 | superpo
Re: Becoming a step parent .

This is very true advice, especially the part about not having the same feelings that you do for your birth child. I've felt guilty before for noticing this about myself, BUT in some ways it works out well for the step-child because I'm probably not as overprotective as I will be with mine. He has more freedom in some ways!

Thanx for sharing.



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      emmie
November 2008 | emmie
Re: Becoming a step parent .

Thanks it gives you a differant feeling doesent it inda strange really . But i have noticed i am much more strict with my daughter . thanks for your coomment xxx



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boredmum
November 2007 | boredmum
Re: Becoming a step parent .
Thats great  advice Emmie. Being any kind of parent is hard, sounds like you are doing a great job & Kylie is lucky to have you in her life.


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AnnieLyn
5.00 (Excellent) | August 2007 | AnnieLyn
Re: Becoming a step parent .
great advice


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      emmie
November 2007 | emmie
Re: Becoming a step parent .
cheers


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lexiw
5.00 (Excellent) | August 2007 | lexiw
Re: Becoming a step parent .

Excellent article

 Lexi xxx



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      emmie
August 2007 | emmie
Re: Becoming a step parent .
cheers lexi xxx


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Libby24
5.00 (Excellent) | July 2007 | Libby24
Re: Becoming a step parent .
i think being a step parent is one of the hardest things to deal with.

good luck and take care

Wonderful writing


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      emmie
July 2007 | emmie
Re: Becoming a step parent .
cheers step parenting is ahard but it gets better in time


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Kellzacar
5.00 (Excellent) | July 2007 | Kellzacar
Re: Becoming a step parent .
Great writing mate . . .

Cheers Kellz


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      emmie
July 2007 | emmie
Re: Becoming a step parent .
cheers kellz


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MummaBear
5.00 (Excellent) | July 2007 | MummaBear
Re: Becoming a step parent .
Excellent Emmie.  My best friend met the man of her dreams who has 3 kids.  Their mother wants to see them now because she doesn't have custody and didn't like that they had a 'new mummy' even though she was remarried herself.  They only got married in September, instantly she fell in love with them and when the mother went for 50/50 shared care (which was declined) she went through what any mother would go through if they thought they would lose their children.  She is now expecting a baby in January and moving back up here (YAY!!!) the children will spend half the school holidays with their mother, but their father will drive them so he can have time with his family down there too as they really don't trust her to even pick them up from the airport once they get there.  Giving birth to a child does not make you a mother, loving and caring for the children is what makes you the parent.  She never calls them her step kids unless she's talking about step parenting, she always says "My kids" or just refers to them as "Mine" which I think is so sweet.  Their real mother has made it clear that they are not to call her mum because she is their only mum but i'm sure they'll work out who was there for them.  I've noticed you call her your daughter, and only mention she's your step daughter when asking advice regarding her real mother.  You are a wonderful mother for both those girls.


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      emmie
July 2007 | emmie
Re: Becoming a step parent .

Thanks i treat both my kids the same wheather its through birth or love , if  kylie wants to see her mother at ANY time i would quiet happily take her and even stay if she preferred , but at the moment im letting her make her own desicions and she dont want nothing to do with her , she saw her in march and spoke a few times since but not 4 a while now and kylie seems much more settled , she is the light at the light at the end of my tunnel and always will be not matter what

thanks jodie



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