ADVICE RATING |
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when partners split, what of custody... |
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by quinjai3  (July 2007) (rank 500+) |
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when a divorce or separtion happens, it's usually due to the adults not wanting the relationship anymore not due to the kids.so what happens to the kids?
well this is a very personal issue for my self as my husband has been fighting for nearly 6 years to have
every moment he has with his daughter and it's not getting any easier. the story is that my husband and his ex had a broken up but when they found out they where pregnant so they decided to give it one more go. they went at it whole hog, got their first home, a dog everything but after the bubs was born the relationship didn't improve but now to add to the problems they had a very demanding bub, a dog and morgage repayments on a single income. things ended when the little one was only 7-8 months old, so they split but agreed verbally that the mother would have her mon- fri as my husband worked night shifts so he would have her every weekend. this went fine for about 2 months then suddenly my husband recieved texts saying his daughter was unavalible for the weekend and he couldn't have her this happened every now and then for a few months until a few months after her 1st birthday when the mother stopped sending text and wasn't there at handovers at all for a good 3-4 months. my husband went to the police and asked for their help they asked if a court order was in place and my husband said no he was told there was nothing the police could do as the mother was completely in her right to take the child away without notice and that my husband needed to seek legal help to get access back for his daughter.
well this process took a very long ( costly) time but after a few months my husband got access back, but due to his daughters young age and the amount of time she hadn't seen her dad it was only 1 day 10am til 4pm a week for a few months to build up their relationship and then it turned to overnight access so on and so forth. however even now my husband doesn't have full custody or even shared custody ( we only live 10-15 mins apart) due to the time he lost when she was little. and we don't have any concrete evidence of neglect or abuse.
so my advice to one and all in a split is don't just think about dividing whats in your bank account but also think of the slpit in time that the children would need. if a couple stayed together the kids would have both parents all the time so in a slpit they should get both parents as much as physically possible. but don't do it via a verbal agreement make it proper and permenant making sure to cover every possible arrangement you could think from clothing to birthdays, to what the childs name is legally ( thats another story) etc.
legal aid ( for those in australia) are great help in getting general advice for very basic questions or for getting low cost legal help, for those of us not so lucky to be able to get legal aid and have to foot the cost of a lawyer make sure they understand you and are there for you and you alone not just the pay check as this can and will harm you through the court process.
all in all becoming a parent is about wanting and loving the little people we bring into this world, and when a split happenes it's not the child fault ( well generally not) so please don't ever make a little one suffer because of it they deserve both parents love and in put to their lives and the lives of their seperate parents.
happy parenting
