I'm at a stage of parenting where everything feels new all over again. At almost nine, my daughter has the marks of becoming a "tween-ager" any second now with bouts of moodiness, and a little hint of attitude to boot. I have to admit, I am not relishing this new challenge in my parenting career! One thing I do know is that I've had the most success as a parent in the past when I've both tuned into my own instincts as well as considered what the research says about this age/stage of development. This is a big deal when you stop to think about how many opinions one person can encounter in one day that are more old wives tale then well-grounded information about how to handle new attitudes and behaviors.

When thinking about what approach I'd like to take going forward in a new stage of parenting, here are the things I choose to consider:

• What does the current research tell me about this stage of child development? I'm looking for physical, emotional and intellectual aspects of growing up. I want to know about brain development and impulse control in particular when I'm deciding what is reasonable and possible for a child this age. 
• What do the social sciences tell me about the relational and friendship needs of a child this age? There's a new wave of research available that helps explain how children's personalities and temperaments are being shaped by their siblings and peers. This kind of information helps me make decisions about what kind of environments create the most room for maturity and growth. 
• What role does temperament play in how I should approach this stage of life? This is where the one size rule fits all doesn't fit one bit. Different children have different reactions to boundaries that are deeply informed by their inborn preferences for regularity, intensity, environment, etc. Knowing what my child's temperament is helps me decide when to apply certain advice and when to ignore it. 
• What are parents I respect doing? Especially those with children older than mine? Most especially with children whose personalities mirror my kids'? I find the most helpful stories come from older, wiser parents who aren't over eager to give me advice but who will advise when I ask and with much compassion. There's no sense comparing my situation to someone else's when their kid is docile and calm by nature and mine is bouncing off the wall, but it can be amazingly helpful to glean some wisdom from those parents who have honestly been there. 
• What does science and the latest research on evidence-based practices telling me? Sometimes we look for advice and a second opinion when the answer has long been established by long-term, years-long study and solid research. I could take my best friend's word for it, or go with the flow and do what everyone else is doing or I can see if the path has already been made clear by science. I'm always amazed at how controversial this can be, but also how wise. When I go with evidence-based practice as a parent, I can almost never go wrong--especially when the advice has been tried and tested over time.
  

What about you? Do you value science and research as a valid way to make parenting decisions? Or do you feel more safe taking the advice of peers and family? Feel free to share your two cents in the comments below.