Those were the words my Grandad said as I kissed him goodbye and walked out of the resthome dinning room, i couldnt hold back my tears as I walked down the hall to the entrance, knowing that those words will be forgotten by him but always in my heart forever. 
My Grandad had Alzheimers a horrible disease esp to someone you love dearly! a disease in the form of Dementia, meaning loss of mentation, or thinking... a disease that is progressive and irreversible. Memory loss is one of the earliest symptoms, along with the gradual decline of other intellectual and thinking abilites, and changes in personality and behaviour. Alzheimers advances in stages, progressiong from mild forgetfullness and congnitive impairment( which is intellectual and thinking abilities) to widespread loss of mental abilities. In advance alzheimers, people become dependent on others for every aspect of care, the time course of the disease varies by individual, ranging from five to twenty years. The most common death is infection....
We had thought my Grandad was going funny on us years and years ago, but not knowing it was the symptoms of Alzheimers... the symptoms of Alzheimers vary I have been told but these were some of my grandads symptoms, the very first symptom was him forgetting where he had placed his keys, glasses and things, every day and forgetting names of places,things,and people so we got used to "thingy was over at the shops to buy uhh hmm the thing, " writting things down was getting harder for him as he would forget what he was thinking about and what he was doing, and forgetting how to spell. A big one was Grandad driving out to the shops but get lost just down the road and not know where he was, another was his picking on a certain child or grandchild, he hated my brother and my sister but absoultly adored me! I was his favourite grandchild and he treated me just like his own child! one of alzheimers symptoms is them picking on a person for no reason and starting to hate them while favouring another...
He started going back in time and asked for my nana alot even though he had been divorced from her in 15 years he would tell everyone he still loved her and would visit her every day, He lost how to cook, and use things...So I went down to look after him for a couple of months, I would wake up in the night to find him making a huge feed at 3 am thinking it was breakfast time, or i would come in from putting out the washing and see him just about to throw a bucket of water over the oven to turn it off! or he would have this insane thing with honey and if he had sore ear would place honey in his ear or on his head cause got head ache...He was very grumpy and nasty which was opposite to who he was! he was a friendly loving Maori and would always be shaking hands to strangers and saying dont worry be happy! he turned into a whole diferent person which broke my heart and others who watched him.
In the end we had to place my grandad in a resthome because he couldnt look after himself, somedays I would come in and see him, he would instantily remember me and call out my name, while other times I would have to bring up memories and talk about our farm and the people and i would see the recogniton light up in his eyes.but the disease advanced and he got worse but on special days I would come see him we would talk for hours till he remembered me and he would talk to me as if nothing is wrong and ask me how things were going etc with my promblems then he would fade back and forget who i was...It got so bad he couldnt remember anyone except me, but in the end he forgot who I was and didnt want me to be near, which is heartbreaking... one day it was really raining and we were placing him in another rest home i was standing next to him explaining whats happened that he said okay Lauren, and smiled at me saying my hair looked nice, and had a wonderful smile..I was crying my heart out and told him I loved him he then told me again I will always Love you member that...he then went to sleep, i walked outside and knew that was our goodbye, that week he progressed so bad that he couldnt talk or walk, he lost all ability and had a stroke and died...
Alzheimers is a horrible disease and like the symptoms my grandad had I will place 10 warning signs for you to recognise and can start doing something about it: 1. Memory Loss. forgetting recently learned information is one of the most common signs. 2. Difficulty peforming familiar tasks. they cant complete tasks or projects and find it very hard to plan things for the day and lose track how to cook a meal or talk on telephone etc. 3. Promblems with Language. they often forget simple words or substitute unusual words, making their speech or writting hard to understand. 4. Disorientation to time and place. they become lost in their own neighbourhood, forget where they are and how they got there, and not know how to get back home. 5. Poor or decreased judgement. they may dress inaproppriatly, wearing several layers on a warm day or little clothing on a cold day.they may show poor judgement, like giving large sums of money to telemarketers. 6. Promblems with abstract thinking. they have unusual difficulty peforiming complex mantal tasks, like fogetting what numbers are for and how they should be used. 7. Misplacing things. they may put things in unusual places: an Iron in a freezer or a wristwatch in the sugar bowl.8. Changes in mood or behaviour. they show rapid mood swings- from calm to tears to anger- for no apperant reason. 9. Changes in personality. their personalities change dramitcally, becoming extremely confused, suspicious, fearful or dependent on a family member. 10. Loss of intiative. they may become passive, sitting in front of t.v for hours, sleeping more than usual or not doing activities..
and for those who have their loved one in this diesease, love them no matter what, talk with them communicate and talk with them about old happy memories, show old photos.. be patient with them and listen to what they talk about, if you need any more imformation search on the internet for alzheimers and ask your doctor...
I hope this help you and for those who are going through the same thing as I did, know that your not alone and that im sure like my grandad to remeber that they will always love you....
(July 2007) (
Lexi xxx
