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    4.94 (Highly recommend) from 80 votes (2579 Visits) |
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A Childs Suicide attempt, Through a mothers eyes. |
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by cookclan (July 2007) (rank 10th) |
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I wanted to share this with all out there in the Minti community. This is about something that I would not even wish on my worst enemy. This is something that should be shared but. I am a mother of a teenager. I am a good mum caring, reliable, always there for my child and they always come first in my eyes. But this is a recent incident that I had no control over what so ever. I will tell you how it happened.
My teenager had a couple of their mates over. Just two and they were having a quiet night minding their own business listening to music and playing playstation and computer. I wandered down to the room and chatted with them all for a couple of minutes and then started to play the playstation also with one of the mates. My teenager then walked out of the room and I followed to see all was alright. My teenager seemed fine just a little low and not feeling themselves. They asked for some alone time to which I said okay but you know where I am. I left them for their alone time. One of the mates went to check and walked around the back . The mate yelled for help and the other mate and I ran to see what the commotion was all about. The sight I saw was one that was the most gut wrenching thing I have ever seen in my life. Here was my child, my baby even though a teenager hanging from a rope from my verandah. They were spluttering and fighting for air with froth coming from thier mouth. It was as if I was looking into a movie of something that was not real. If that is understandable to all.
I ran to my teens side along with the mates and held my child up with them as a knife was gotten to cut them down. The rope could not be undone it was too tight and was still tight after the rope was cut. We quickly struggled to loosen the noose from my childs neck and as they lay on the ground I cried and cried. The police arrived and took my teenager away as my child yelled abuse at me that I should have left them there to die just left them to hang. That night I felt emotions I have never felt before and I wanted to share them here with you all.
Being a teenager is a really hard time in our lives. Do you remember how hard it was yourself? How everything seemed like it was the end of the world? How one thing could fester in your mind and turn into a huge and scary problem. Something that seems minimal to an adult is always larger to a teenager. This is a mothers thoughts but looking into a suicide attempt of one of their children.
I sat there and I thought for a while and felt kind of numb. I really could not think just how I felt at that time. I had my teenagers mates crying and myself thinking I need to protect these children. I need to help them to get through this too. My child was in the safest place there was the hospital and I had these two teenagers needing someone to fall back on for support. I just could not break down at that time. They cried as I hugged them and then all of a sudden I felt this great ball of anger inside of me. I was mad at my child for trying to kill themselves. I was fuming and I felt so angry I started to shake. Why was I feeling this way? Why was I not feeling sorry for how bad my child was feeling that they felt the only way out was to end it? Well the counsellors say its normal. I was angry with them for not coming to me and telling me how they felt for not giving me the chance to sort it for not even thinking of the people they would have left behind if they had of succeeded. Then came the feelings of relief and happiness. I was relieved we found my teenager on time and happy that they didn't succeed. I was also happy that my child was somewhere with professionals that knew how to deal with this. Then came the guilt. Why this and why that it must have been my fault if only I was a better mother then it would not have happend. I soon snapped out of that thought. I soon with help from wonderful friends and counsellors knew that this was no fault of my own. there was no reason for me to feel guilt at all. Then the sadness set in I felt so sad for anyone that felt their life was bad enough to end it.
I have now talked to alot of people who have had similar things happen to them some were not as lucky as me and held their childs lifeless body as they felt all the emotions welling inside them. I was one of the lucky ones. You see if your child becomes suicidal, sometimes it can be a cry for help. Sometimes it can be a I just want to end it all attempt. I believe my childs attempt was a call for help to get me to listen. I do listen but obviously I didn't hear what they were saying exactly. Or they never conveyed it the correct way for me to understand.
I never want to see this sort of thing happen again to my child. Obviously becuase I love them but also because of the stesses that it has caused in our family. The fear of not wanting to go to sleep for myself until they are. The fear of waking in the morning and not finding them in their bed instead hanging somewhere around my home. I still have alot of work to do to overcome those fears and work through this whole ordeal but I wanted to share it with you all right now.
Just as a small end note to this advice. If someone wants to end it all for real there is nothing you or anyone else can do. That was told to me by the psychiatrist. Some people just have that feeling and no matter how many times you interfere with their attempts or protect them they will succeed eventually. This is not your fault and you are in no way to blame for this.
I hope this is taken as advice. Take care all. And thank-you for reading this.
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ADVICE RATING |
    4.94 (Highly recommend) from 80 votes |
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Re: A Childs Suicide attempt, Through a mothers eyes.
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Re: A Childs Suicide attempt, Through a mothers eyes.
June 2008
My son attempted suicide recently. One evening I walked into his room and found him hanging from his closet door. I instantly grabbed him and popped the door open by pushing the chair forward and lifted and pulled him him off the door hinge. i don't know where I got the strength to lift him, but I did. It happened so fast.
As we fell to the floor he gasped for air, I loosened the belt from his neck. I don’t remember how long we laid their on the floor as I clutched him tightly as we both sobbed. Then I stood up and pulled him on his feet and lead him to my bed and told him, “I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I held him as he fell asleep with me. I cried and prayed, “Though I walk through the valley of death I will fear no evil.” I don’t know why I kept repeating it, but it calmed me down and finally slept with my arm around my son.
That morning I called his psychiatrist who instructed me to immediatly take him to the hospital. As he was being admitted the nurses noticed the cuts on his hand (which I never noticed because he wore long sleeve shirts). I was surprise how calm I was as I walked with him to the adolescent center which he was assigned. I didn't tell him that he was not coming home but staying for evaluation and care because I didn't want him to get upset. We finally got to the floor when he was stripped searched. It was then that he realized that he was staying. He asked me,"What is going on? i'm gonna see the doctor, right?" The nurses then asked me to leave and told him to go into a room where a group session was being held. Just then he looked straight into my eyes and cried, "Mom! I don't wanna stay here!" I stayed calmed and told him, "You need help, Babe. I'll be back to visit." He then started to cry louder as I turned and walked away. I didn't look back, but I could hear him whimpering. He stayed there for eight days 24/7. He had just turned 16 when he attempted suicide.
My son had been seeing a psychiatrist and therapist for a year. He had been misdiagnosed with ADHD and come to find out that the adderall was the worst thing he was prescribed. I found out that he sufferd from Bipolar NOS. I was shocked because I never heard of it before. I don’t understand how his doctors could have misdiagnosed him with ADHD. My son had been suffering for years.
The best advice I can give parents is keep searching for help. Listen to your kids, and don’t take their misbehavior as personal attack. They are confused and need guidance. I cried when I found out my son had Bipolar, but it has helped me to understand his behavior.
It's been very hard for me since his suicide attempt because I constantly get these flashbacks, I have uncontrollable crying spells suddenly without notice. I have nightmares, I can't sleep at night,. I want to just scream!
I'll get pass this, I have to be strong for him, I am stronger than I give myself credit.
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Re: A Childs Suicide attempt, Through a mothers eyes.
I myself have thought of ending my own life in the past. The last time was so that then my girls would get the help they needed. The rest of the times I was a teen. I was alone in the world, my parents had moved to Brisbane and I had no friends, so when things got on top of me, they got on top of me. thankfully, because i wasn't thinking straight, none of my attempts were successful. From a teen perspective, I did it as I didn't want to bother other people with my problems.
Thanks for sharing this with us. I hope your teen is now understanding better that there is always help out there, sometimes we have to swallow our pride and ask for it! lol. Yeah, not easy when you are a teen.
And to you teens.... we know you want to be an adult, but sometimes that means ASKING FOR THE HELP! As adults do it all the time! We aren't weak, just in need of reasurance and a bit of support.
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Re: A Childs Suicide attempt, Through a mothers eyes.
What can I say matey - you know I think you are a true champion, you have so much on your plate, and yet you share so much of yourself with all of us. There is just something that we can't understand that makes life unbearable for so many wonderful people in the world. I know you are a very wise and wonderful woman, and know that you shouldn't blame yourself in anyway. However, I know that as a mum, you must be tearing yourself up inside.
I hope that some way, some how, some one has the knowledge, skill, medication, ANYTHING that it takes to help him understand that he is a wonderful person, and to learn to love himself as much as his wonderful family and friends do. Thinking of you - Lui 
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Re: A Childs Suicide attempt, Through a mothers eyes.
Liz, Don't do it again. Look at your babies, look at your hubby, at your frineds and your nieces and nephews and sisters and brothers and uncles and aunts........ how are they going to live the rest of their lives as happy people if you take your own life. Think of this as a cyber kick up the arse as I don't know what else to do and I don't want you to do anything as stupid or selfish or as life crushing for those who know and love you, least of all your own children..... put yourself in Angie's shoes, if it was one of your kids instead of you doing it, how would you feel, well thats how your hubby and your kids will feel if it's you. THINK FIRST, TALK SECOND, LIVE FOREVER, BE HAPPY. please.xoxoxoxox
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Related keywords: attempt, childs, counsellors, eyes, guilt, mothers, stesses, suicidal, suicide, suiside, teenager, teenagers | |  | | | Related TagsAddattempt, childs, counsellors, eyes, guilt, mothers, stesses, suicidal, suicide, suiside, teenager, teenagersBookmarksNo bookmarks found | | | | |
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