My 10 year old has just started a sad and disturbing habit
He Shuts Everyone Out when he is upset
I fear slight Autism
I hurt when he does it
What is the best way of handling this as a parent?
Is it just Attention Seeking?
Picture this,
Your child is playing and he breaks something.....
Whilst you are picking up the pieces of the broken item, you hear your child stomping up the stairs telling everyone, that it would be best if he killed himself as he is so dumb by the time you reach him he is in his bed duvet over his head, eyes closed shutting you out completely!!!
Picture this,
You are on the phone to your solicitor......
Your child bursts in the room wanting to ask a question, sees you are on the phone, hears you ask him to wait but still carries on shouting, you apologise to the solicitor and explain to your son he has to wait, later you find him in his room, with his head to the wall, isolating himself and refusing to communicate as he feels he has embarrassed you
Picture this,
You are on a walk with your family, your son accidentally trips your nephew, who cries.........
Your child wanders away and refuses to talk to anyone, when you sit down in the play area, he sits where you can see him but remains with his head bowed, shutting everyone and everything out
This is just examples of some of my sons behaviour of the last few days
I hurt for him so much
I hate that he does it and I don't know how to help him
He cant help it and is extremely apologetic afterwards.
This is what works for me, even though it is very painful
I watch him constantly in case he does anything silly but I ignore him!!
I know this sounds harsh, but believe me I have also gone down the route of holding him and cajoling him, but this method takes twice as long for him to snap out of it.
We have fun!!!
We laugh!!!!
We make him see that he is missing out!!!
It works
For a while he will ignore us, then you see him watch you from the corner of his eye, the next stage is he will smile at the fun, eventually he comes over and joins in!!!! No child enjoys watching others have fun when there is nothing to stop them from joining in
Yesterday it took about 40 minutes of carefully keeping an eye on him whilst making out I was having a ball!!!!
But it did work!!!
Only then when he is fully relaxed and happy do I discuss what happened with him
I then stress that Shutting Me Out gets him no attention
Talking to me about what has happened has my full attention
I talk to him about the fact that he misses out by shutting himself away
I stress to him that I Love Him but I don't like the way he punishes himself
I stress that he is not a bad boy he is a fantastic boy
I stress that he is capable of bad behaviour but he has a good heart
It is so hard to see your child choose isolation when he is hurting but for me distancing myself emotionally from that side of him, whilst still being on the alert for danger signs, brings my son back to me much quicker than any other method I have tried.
(July 2007) (
Amanda xxxx
